Earthquake!!

You guys, earthquakes are so fun. Obviously, I'm really only talking about the baby earthquakes that don't cause very much damage but still shake things up a bit - I'm not exactly sitting around waiting for the hilarious and amazing times the "Big One" will bring. But really, they provide so much entertainment for years to come. I mean it. Years.

Here are some of my favorite earthquake memories:

1. 2009, Hawthorne, CA: Magnitude 4.1

Okay, so this one just happened about an hour ago. But since everyone is recapping the events of what happened when the quake hit using every possible form of communication (personal, telephone, gchat, twitter), I think it's fair to record this in LAMe! as well. There are two hilarious things that happened during and directly after the earthquake. First, I made an unintentional, yet somehow perfect, horrified jizz in my pants face as the quake hit. And I was staring right at V when I did it. Even as it was happening, I thought, "wow, that was pretty awkward/embarassing" and then she called me out on it. Thanks, V! And thanks, earthquake for making it possible! And while we're at it, thanks Lonely Island for your super catchy JIMP song. But that was only the beginning. Directly after the quake, my boss (who told us at lunch that he's the earthquake safety officer of our building) came running into the lab with his bright orange safety vest on, waiving his arms and screaming, "Evacuate! Evacuate! America is not safe!!"

2. 1906, San Francisco, CA: Magnitude 7.7

As many of you know, I went to farm camp. Well, farm camp is in Northern California and happens to lie right on the San Andreas Fault. During the first couple of days of camp, we have to do an earthquake drill and it's pretty boring and lame. My favorite part of it is when Dave Brown (yes, the then director of the camp was Farmer Brown) would tell us all that the 100+ year-old wood buildings, which survived the 1906 San Francisco earthquake, would be "totally safe" because they aren't actually stationed to the ground. He would then do this weird mojo dance as if to simulate the buildings floating over the ground. Sorry Dave, but I'm going to have to call BS on your "the 100 year-old buildings that are falling apart are totally safe for when the big one hits" argument. Sweet dance moves, though.

3. 1994, Northridge, CA: Magnitude 6.6

Okay, so this earthquake was actually pretty effing scary. However, during the quake, all 50 of my stuffed animals flew off of the loft they were displayed on and it looked like my Care-Bears could actually fly! I thought it was cool (aaaand I was 12).

4. 1997, Southern California: Magnitude unknown

Okay, so my next quake memory goes back to 8th grade when I was super cool and took zero-period Latin at the high school. Well screw you guys for laughing at me (I know you are), because zero-period Latin was filled with upper classmen hotties (an 8th grade girl's dream). But anyway, back to the quake. It was morning, we're all sitting in class studying when one of the hotties yelled, "earthquake!!" out of nowhere. As the rest of his hot friends were making fun of him, the room started to shake. It was as if this guy could sense the quake coming... and the crude comments from the hotties that ensued afterwards were priceless.

5. 2009, Lennox, CA: Magnitude 4.7

The hottie who cried quake story reminds me of the weird psychic-factor of earthquakes. For every quake, someone thinks they felt it first or knew it was coming. For example, every time I drive over the Bay Bridge in San Francisco, I think of the Loma Prieta Earthquake in 1989... and I tell everyone in the car about it. I drove over the bridge last Sunday and made my same comment. LATER THAT NIGHT THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE IN LOS ANGELES!!! OMG you guys, I'm totally psychic!!

Sooo... there you have it. There are my top 5 earthquake memories (feel free to leave some of your own. I'm sure you all have them!). Also, sorry for being MIA (as in absent, not impersonating the singer) for the past month. My life is uber busy/I'm kinda a big deal.