on hold...

Love is in the air, my friends. Since medical school started, I have been to four weddings. In that same time, seven (SEVEN!!!) of my close friends or family (one was my brother) have become engaged. And these are just the people I’m close to; I’m not even including classmates (4 engagements, that I know of), or acquaintances (these numbers are staggering).

However, I'm nowhere near tying the knot. Before med school, everyone told me, “Don’t worry. You’ll find someone in medical school.” Now that I’m here, I’m not so sure. You see, dating in med school is not easy and even a little awkward.

First, you have to meet someone. This is easier said than done. Probably the biggest barrier to meeting new people is medical school. Or really, all of the studying I have to do to remain in medical school. Basically, I study all the time (this topic has already been extensively discussed). If I’m not studying, I’m doing some kind of extracurricular activity related to medical school (volunteering at Outreach Clinic, chauffeuring Buddhist monks around, etc). What I’m saying is I barely get the chance to interact with people outside of school (I actually tried to get my mom to pay for my membership at a fancy gym, claiming it was an investment in my future; my parents are desperate to marry me off. It didn’t work).

You’re probably thinking, “But once you finally do get out there, meeting people is easy. As a doctor in training, you should have decent people skills.” Wrong! First of all, let’s not make any assumptions about people skills. These days, holding a conversation about anything other than medicine, science, or studying is nearly impossible for me. For some reason, this makes it difficult to connect with people.

Forget about dating someone in my class. With all of this studying and learning, we spend all day, everyday with each other. And this will be the case for the next couple of years. On top of that, everyone knows everyone else’s business. No thanks, on the extra helping of drama.

So that leaves me alone, quickly approaching Advanced Maternal Age, a topic I’m well aware of thanks to Genetics, Physiology, and shadowing in Labor and Delivery. Trisomy 21, anyone?

Anatomy + Yoga = True Love

Taking Human Anatomy has changed my life. And now I’m going to write about it. Don’t worry, I won’t be writing about my powerful experiences with dead people. Instead, I’m going to discuss a much more important topic: yoga.

You see, I do a lot of yoga. Well, not a ton, maybe 3 or so classes a week. I find that it is a great way for me to exercise and reduce stress. Since I’m sure you’re dying to know, I prefer Vinyasa and Ashtanga yoga (with maybe a little Hatha yoga thrown in for good measure). Anyway, ever since Anatomy has started, my yoga practice has soared to new heights.

It started with a general increased self-awareness. After seeing muscles and bodies in the Anatomy Lab, I began to think more about my own muscles. As in I became aware that they actually existed. This might sound silly, but to me, muscles have been things that get bigger or stronger if I exercise or work on them. I had never really given much thought to them otherwise. Fine. I’ve always known they existed. But now I’m aware of their total existence as a network of muscles, with tendons, nerves, actions, antagonists. My body is a system, with multiple components. As I breathe and move from posture to posture, I am aware of that system, both in isolated segments and as a whole.

Next there came a translation and application phase. Simple phrases such as “rest on your Sit Bones” became instantly translated to technical terms: “Sit Bones, huh? Don’t you mean ischial tuberosities?!” As I tried to lift my leg, I thought, “Hmm… I think my iliopsoases are weak.” Just FYI: Iliopsoas – flexion of the hip, femoral nerve (iliacus) and L1, 2, and 3 (psoas major) (I know you were wondering).

In literally every posture, I could go through and name the muscles, nerves, arteries (okay, and veins, even though we all know those aren’t as exciting) involved in my movement. Isn’t this distracting, you ask? Not really. It’s not like I’m quizzing myself as I move through my yoga practice. Instead, I feel that in knowing these new details about my body, I’ve become more connected to it.

Now, instead of almost falling asleep during Final Relaxation, I go to a new place in my own body. As I lay on the floor, eyes closed, deeply breathing, I can feel the air enter my lungs. My heart is beating and I begin to imagine blood flowing through my arteries. I follow this path as I move deeper and deeper into relaxation.

another anatomy poem

What treasures do I

hold? Each day they peer into

me expectantly.

It is beautiful,

they say. Textbook example.

It's gorgeous, in fact.

What is it? I muse.

What could possibly be so

stunning about me?

I am just an old

woman. My stiff body is

tired and worn out.

At my age, beauty

is a distant memory.

A remnant of youth.

But they keep coming

back, continue to prod, dig.

Keep on exclaiming.

Now, I understand.

I am more than aged parts;

more than guts and bones.

It's as if every

time they look into me they

unlock a world of

knowledge. My nerves, veins,

tendons, muscles. Me. Inside

of me, beauty lives.

How to pick up boys

I recently took a trip to Las Vegas for Spring Break (yup, I'm totally Livin' the Dream as a med student these days). In addition to the good times dancing, drinking, eating, (not) sleeping that Vegas usually provides, I came back from this trip with a new valuable skill: I learned how to pick up boys. Okay, so I haven't actually practiced this skill (at 27 years old, I don't want to jump into things), but I had the honor of observing the Masters at work one day at the pool.

Here are some fool-proof tips that should help any girl find love in Sin City:

1) Get a good spray tan. If you plan on spending all day poolside (umm... it's Vegas), you better be prepared with a toned/tanned body. Or at least have a tan... which can make up for lack of tone. But remember! Don't forget the sunscreen! A sunburn out at the club later that night looks pretty lame.

2) Start drinking early. My mentors had been hitting their water bottles of redbull-vodka since at least 10am... if not earlier. Definitely makes you look "fun" and "spontaneous" and can help take the edge off if you're feeling a little nervous about your people skills. If you're feeling cheap or don't have your own source of booze, just walk up to the bar, find some middle-aged guys and make them buy you shots. They'll do it, I promise... especially if you have a good spray tan.

3) Play games. Here are some of my favorites:

• "Oh my god, you guys! Guess our names!" (perfect if you're in a group... can keep conversation going for minutes... just imagine how many names are out there!).
• "Guess which ones of us have boyfriends!"
• "So if you had to choose... which one of us do you think would get married first?"

4) Stake a claim. If a certain boy has caught your eye, let everyone know by trading sunglasses with him. Don't know how to initiate the trade? Here's a good ice-breaker: "OMG I love your glasses! Let's switch!" (and then you hand out yours and/or grab his). This will also make the boy feel special because you liked his glasses and/or because you're paying attention to him.

5) Make him work for it. If it's been hours at the pool and you're pretty sure but not positive that he's into you, try a little test: make him do something for you. For example, you could throw your camera into the ice-cold pool and make him fish it out ASAP so it doesn't get "ruined" (he doesn't need to know it's a waterproof camera).

6) Get "married" at the pool. Great play on the Vegas wedding concept. Pick your favorite boy and have a fake wedding complete with bridesmaids/groomsmen and speeches. If you really want to commit to the idea, you should friend him on fb and announce your marriage... like that same day.

7) Make evening plans. Eventually, the pool is going to close and you're going to have to go back to the room and get ready for the evening. At some point in the day, exchange numbers. Then, that night while at dinner text the shit out of him. I mean... umm... get your text-flirt on and keep mentioning how badly you want to meet up.

8) Late-night meet-up. FINALLY! The time has come for you to reunite with your love after an excruciatingly long separation during dinner and the evenings activities! If you're staying in the same hotel, meet in the lobby or something. This way you can "gamble" for like 10 minutes and then go back to one of your rooms. SUCCESS!!

Now, a note of caution about going back to someone's room... or bringing them back to your own: ACT FAST! If there are a bunch of you staying in one room, then inevitably, somebody will get to the room first and everyone else will be left homeless (and, more importantly, without a good place to hook up... luckily for me, this isn't too big of a problem; I went to boarding school where I learned to be very creative). If you have slutty friends, then they will box you out of your own room and you will be left roaming the casino/hotel/Vegas strip drunkenly snuggling with your new lover... until like 6am. So seriously. Don't screw around pretending like you want to do anything other than going back to the room. GO STRAIGHT THERE!! Also, don't worry about safety. It's Vegas; everyone is totally trustworthy and only has the best intentions.

In class: Sleepers

Okay. I know. I need to write more posts to this thing or LAMe! LAMe! will just be… lame. (Also, that last sentence was pretty lame in and of itself… I’m sorry). My problem is that there are pretty much only two things I think about: school and boys. School is boring to anyone not in med school (okay, yeah…and even to those who are in med school). And my thoughts on boys/dating are just kind of pathetic/embarrassing. Soo… that leaves me kind of low on topics.

Anyway, in an attempt to keep this thing going, I’ve decided to bore you all and start a series on my favorite things that happen in class. You see, I’m a class-goer (meaning, I’m almost always in class). I’m also pretty much terrible at paying attention. Instead I do really important things like daydream (class is probably my most productive daydreaming time of the day) and people-watch (I would definitely say that socializing is another big motivator behind my class-goer status).

Which leads me to today’s topic: Sleepers. My favorite thing to do in class is look for people who have fallen asleep. I’m not sure why, but it’s pretty much always entertaining to me. And it happens literally every day. There’s one guy who basically sits in the front row and nods off during almost every lecture.

Today, the professor asked if his review session was useful and we all agreed… and then noticed that a girl sitting directly in front of him was completely passed out. AMAZING!

Sometimes, if the people are sleeping in a particularly funny position, or if I’m feeling particularly bored, I’ll point out the Sleepers to the people who I sit next to. If they see someone napping, they'll give me a heads-up... it's a reciprocity thing. And if people are feeling especially feisty they’ll whip out their camera phone and take pictures and post it in our “Narcolepsy Anonymous” group of fb. So good.

The Embrace

First day jitters.

We enter the room

anxiety, excitement,

formaldehyde in the air.

Act cool,

nobody wants to be the one who barfs.

It all happens so fast.

We pair up, position ourselves around a table

with a white-cloaked mass on it.

We confidently remove the cover, lift back the cheesecloth.

Let's do this.

Step 1: roll your cadaver over.

Huh.

"Umm...

Okay, I watched the video. Let's turn him over like a

real patient."

For a few moments, we circle around

trying to gain strategic positioning.

We scoot him to the edge of the table,

roll him on his side.

There are four of us

but he's so heavy!

At 93, he was no frail man.

We can't flip him over; his arm is stuck.

(Oh God, what if it breaks off?)

Suddenly, my arms are around him, lifting.

My chest is against his,

his free arm is inches from my face.

Despite scrubs, lab coat, and gloves,

his cold, yellow skin touches my wrist.

And now that he's over,

lying comfortably on his stomach,

relief rushes over me.

I can do this, I thought,

I just hugged a dead guy!

And so we begin.

Brush 'em! (or not)

Move over gingivitus, there's a new player in town wreaking havoc on the gums of healthy young adults across America. Who is this sinister character causing widespread gum recession, you may ask? The answer may SHOCK you. It is... harsh brushing!

That's right my friends, overly exuberant brushing, particularly in a horizontal motion, can cause gum recession in an otherwise healthy mouth. This is a serious matter, because your gums don't really grow back! And, though this may not be at all surprising, your teeth really need gums! Currently, the main way to repair gum recession is through gingival grafting (taking gum tissue from nearby or the roof of your mouth and covering the recession). Sounds intense!

I bring the important issue of overactive brushing up, because it has recently come to my attention that many of my friends (and myself) experience this problem - and have been told so by dentists.

Umm... of course we're aggressive brushers! We're med students, over-achievers to the max! We've been brushing our little hearts out to make sure our teeth were perfectly clean since we could hold a mini toothbrush in our tiny hands. When we were younger, the dentists praised us for our efforts: "My, what a great job you're doing brushing your teeth! Go get a toy from The Drawer." Positive reinforcement? I live for that stuff! (I'm not joking. When I had my braces, I got a "Best Patient" award from the orthodontist... which I'm sure they give like 90% of their patients... and I was thrilled. I was also 11).

I bet the dentists, praying kids would brush their teeth at least once a week, didn't see this coming. Now they have to put gum grafts in the mouths of all those over-achieving med students out there.