How to date a doctor

This morning, I was casually perusing the internet* when I came across a super interesting/relevant/helpful article called "How to date a doctor."

WTF?!  This is ridiculous!  For those of you too lazy to read the whole thing (which is absurd, because it's like 50 words long), here are some highlights: 

"Impress your friends by dating a nice doctor. Explore the social side of medicine. Learn about saving lives and medical advances without spending years in medical school. Enter the medical social whirl and you may be surrounded by doctors for the rest of your life. Make your mother proud, and date a doctor."

Here are some issues I have with this:
1) Good luck finding a "nice doctor." (Also, that was bitchy and bitter of me.  Sorry).
2) The "social side of medicine" doesn't really exist.
3) "You may be surrounded by doctors for the rest of your life" = bleak, in a social context, at least.
4) "Make your mother proud..." Fine.  This one might be true.  To be honest, I think my mom would be happy if I dated anyone at this point.

Another good part: "Recognize that doctors are hot properties on the dating scene." Personally, I haven't noticed this yet.  Then again, I'm only 3/4 of a doctor.  Maybe in a year, I'll really be a "hot property."

This article piqued my interest and so I googled "How to date a doctor." About 49,300,000 results came up.  Awesome!  So I spent the rest of the afternoon reading each one.  Okay, no I didn't. But I did check out a couple others. I liked the 6 Step WikiHow, because it says under Warnings: "The people they interact with may be a little bit weird, get used to it." So true.

Finally, I found an article called 10 Reasons to Date a Doctor.  It is terrible.  Honestly, I'm not sure if any of those reasons are true.

Hey Internet, thanks for perpetuating stereotypes!!!  You are so, so creepy (and wrong) sometimes.

*Full disclosure: I was googling "most attractive medical specialties," followed by "most physically attractive medical specialties" (since that was what I really wanted to know), when this article came up.  Oh.  And I was at the hospital. Waiting to round. (In my defense, I had tried to read about acute renal injury first... and then got distracted... it's Sunday!).

Wingman

Last night we went out in Coconut Grove. At one point in the evening L and I had the "pleasure" of talking to a guy while his friend hit on the other girl in our group. This was a classic wingman situation.
Why do guys feel the need to play wingman in the first place? It's not like L and I were lost without our friend. We also were totally fine with letting her talk to this new guy. It's not like we were going to take her away from the interested guy.
But whatever, this wingman was kinda cute and seemed nice enough so L and I decided to play along.
You guys!! This wingman was the WORST! First of all, he hated everything. Everything. For no reason. He hated LA. He hated pediatrics (he's a lawyer, but thought about medicine first). L told him she does research on birds and he immediately asked her the best way to kill the parrots that wake him up every morning. Because he hates them. He also hates old people, Miami, vaginas, the Westchester Country Club, the Palace (an apartment building near L in Miami). He likely also hated his friend for making him play wingman.
Don't worry guys, he did love one thing: UFC. Which I hate.
Worst wingman ever.

text flirting

You guys, I'm bored. It could be that I've been sitting alone studying pharmacology all day (likely).

Or, something else could be putting me to sleep: texting. I never thought I would say this, but texting is kind of boring. And do you know the most boring version of texting of them all? Text flirting.

Calm down. I am aware that there are people out there who love text flirting. And I'm sure they will let me know how great it really is (I know a certain D, who claims that text flirting is her whole game and with the right emoticons, she can even text make out. Which sounds... weird). I agree, sometimes it can be fun... sometimes. Mostly it's totally boring and a waste of time.

First of all, let me define what I mean by text flirting. To be clear I do not mean sending gross "sexts" (sorry D, though I'm not sure if your emoticons would even count as sexts). I think of text flirting as the early form of communication between two people who may or may not be interested in each other. It's a great(?) way to gage interest: presumably, if he/she responds then he/she is interested... at least enough to respond.* Plus, talking on the phone is so personal... and can be "awkward" (in my old age, I disagree with this, but whatever).

A friend of mine (and Master Texter) once said about extended text flirting, "I don't do that. That's like hanging out at Make-out Point and not making out." Oh, Master Texter, this is so, so true! (Also, MT was clearly referencing Chick-fil-A, which is kinda great).

My major problem with text flirting is that it's usually about nothing, because 1) you don't actually know each other that well and 2) you can only make joking references to your mutual friend and/or that one time you hung out for so long and 3) you are forced to make witty yet pointless comments when restricted to the 160 characters of a text message.

It also usually goes on forever... because you're texting about NOTHING and there is no logical end until someone gets bored and decides not to respond. The other alternate (and preferable) ending is that you make plans and actually hang out. But chances are, if you're in extended texting mode, the other person is either not that into you or kind of a chicken and so the "making plans" part may never happen.

Sure, text flirting can be fun and there is definitely strategy involved (one day, I'm hoping that Master Texter will share his expertise/ridiculousness on LAMe!). But this is really only at the very beginning. When it turns into a text-conversation... about nothing, I say "make out or get out!" Okay. No I don't. But I should!

On that note, I have to get back to Pharm (so lame and definitely more boring than text flirting).

Wait!! One more thing! I know I just bagged on texting a little... but if I already know you and we're getting into a texting conversation, this is NOT text flirting: My "make out or get out" policy (probably) does not apply and I'm most likely bored and would like to be entertained. So humor me :)

*And this may not even be true: Just last night I classic text flirted with a guy (I'm not interested in) for like 30 minutes (straight up text-conversation style) because he kept responding to my boring one-liner texts with questions and I didn't want to be a bitch by not responding. I finally ended it with "I have to study. Have a good Friday night!"

HVD!

From now on, I think I'm going to say "HVD!" instead of Happy Valentine's Day. Mostly because this sounds like some kind of virus (HPV? HSV?) and that feels a little more appropriate.

Okay, before you get all, "Whoa, calm down, single girl!" on me, I'm just going to let you know that I'm not a bitter Valentine's Day loner or anything. I just kind of think VD is lame (both Valentine's Day and Venereal Disease, for the record).

There's a lot of pressure involved.

If you're in a relationship there's pressure to be super romantic. Or even if you're not going big, you probably have to at least make dinner reservations or cook a fancypants dinner and that can be a pain. You also have to get/make a gift, which can also be super stressful (Unless you're my mom, who got my stepdad a card... and then turned to her friend and gave her a card AND a stuffed animal. That had to burn for my stepdad).

If you're starting out a new relationship (or something along those lines) VD is mostly awkward. (OMG, what does it all mean?! Does he actually like me or is he just being nice? He got me jewelry... I got him a card. Does this mean I should sleep with him? STRESS!)

If you're a single girl, there's the obligatory "we're single girls and don't need valentines" dinner. Which can be fun. But also feels a little contrived at times.

In defense of VD, here are some things that I love about it:

• At Obligatory Single Girls Dinner, someone usually shares some good dirt (fine, usually it's me. Whatever).
• It's a great excuse to wear pink. And red. AT THE SAME TIME.
• All of those cheesy gifts/stuffed animals are pretty cute.
• Back in the good old days, I used to make my own Valentines and VD cookies, which was pretty fun (Ah, I used to be so artsy and domestic).
• I'm totally fascinated by quasi-scientific articles like "The Science Behind Kissing"

On that note, HVD! Whether you hate it or love it, at least you don't have to worry about it for another year :)

Excuses

I guess you could say I'm kind of an over-analyzer.

This is usually a good thing. For example before making a big purchase, I think to myself, "Do I really need this ____?" If the item of debate is an expensive pair of shoes, I might pass. However, if it's a pink and white striped OnePiece Jumpsuit special ordered from England, the answer is YES.

While it may be good for my wallet, I've recently realized that my tendency to over think everything may be getting in the way of my love life. Here's what happens: As soon as I think I might like somebody, I think about any consequences to pursuing it, and then find/make an excuse for why it shouldn't happen/wouldn't work. And then I wonder why I'm home alone reading Jane Eyre while I can hear my roommate having sex in the room across the hall.

You guys, I'm an excuse-maker!! Big time!! For kicks, here are my top 5 excuses for not making out with someone (and why they're dumb):

5. "We're in the same class... things could get weird." Okay, sure. In med school, we see a lot of each other and that could be awkward. But with time, these things pass (and really aren't that big of a deal).

4. "2 years ago, my friends got in a big fight over him/both hooked up with him." Actually, I think this is still a legit excuse.

3. "When he told my roommate he was interested, she responded with, 'She has too much dignity to hook up with you.' And then she told me." Right.

2. "I don't want to ruin the carpool." While this might sound ridiculous, I just need to say (in my defense) that this was a really good carpool. As in 110 North Carpool Lane through Downtown LA during morning rush hour good.

1. "I don't want to ruin the friendship." This is my most common excuse. And it's total bullshit. Chances are, I'm not that good of friends with the guy. And if we really are that close, our friendship will survive anyway.

So there you have it... here are my top excuses. What are yours?

Carpe Diem?

The other day, my friend announced to me that he is in love with a married woman. “What should I do?” He asked. “I love her. She’s perfect. And she’s completely unhappy in her marriage.”

My initial response was to stay away. I know this might be shocking, but I take the whole “marriage” concept pretty seriously and wrecking homes isn’t my thing.

“But life is too short and unpredictable,” my friend replied. “If I don’t make a move, I might regret it for the rest of my life.” (My friend also has a tendency towards the dramatic).

My friend claims that his dream girl in unhappy in her marriage. We’ve all been in those “friendships” where you spend a lot of time with someone who has a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/whatever. They never talk about their SO and/or if they do, it sounds negative or cold. After enough time, it’s easy to convince yourself (especially if you want to believe it) that they’re not happy. But does that mean you should do something about it?

I guess what I’m wondering is: Is it ever okay to pursue someone in a relationship? My gut says no (however, as I’ve thought about this, I’ve come to realize that I’m a bit of an excuse maker when it comes to romance… more on this later). Or is my friend right? Should we forget about social conventions and seize the day in the name of love?

Let me know what you think in the comments!

Romance! (or not)

Remember when LAMe! used to be super fun and I would blog about my exciting life as a single twenty-something?* I know, LAMe! has been a little lacking in the romance department lately. It's just that my life has been mostly romance-free (damn you, med school!) or I haven't wanted to write anything that could potentially be traced back to people you know (once again, damn you med school!).

Well you guys, you're in for a treat! Recently some events have taken place that are just too ridiculous for me not to blog about.

I guess I'll start at the beginning. I met this guy through my roommate and after a few (like a couple of months) friendly hang-out sessions, we went on a "date." The date went... well, it was kind of weird. First of all, we ate dinner at Chick-fil-A and HE DIDN'T PAY. Umm. Chick-fil-A?! And he didn't pay?! This threw me off a little, mostly because there was no possible way we weren't on a date and paying is pretty much part of my definition of a date. Like, if you're ever confused about if you accidently went on a date with someone, you think back to if he paid or not and there's your answer (this isn't always true, like if you're clearly with friends who happen to be guys and they pay, this does not mean you're on a date). Whatever, the Chick-fil-A situation was kind of a minor detail and I didn't really care, because it was pretty much hilarious to me. (You guys! Chick-fil-A!!!)

After dinner, the plan was to go up in the big orange balloon at the Orange County Great Park. This is actually a pretty cute date idea. Unfortunately, it was a Wednesday and the Great Park was closed (wah wah). Luckily, he was thinking on his feet and he said, "Since we couldn't go up in the balloon, I'm going to take you to the Top of the World instead." Totally cute. Oh, and for those of you not in the know, the Top of the World Park is in Laguna Beach and has beautiful panoramic views of both the coastline and Irvine. Oh, and it's a total make-out spot.

So there we were, taking in the views (it was a crystal clear night), gazing at the stars, and NOT MAKING OUT. After a lovely time at the Top of the World, we're heading down the hill back to Laguna when we see these crazy looking boats... so of course, we go to the beach. Where the waves are gently crashing and the stars are bright and we're still not making out. Later, we go back to his place where we continue to not make out.

That's cool. It's technically a first date. No need to rush into these things. Fine. I'll admit it: I'm pretty awkward and I'm not super touchy-feely and I pretty much never make the first move. But still! Here's a tip for all of you "shy guys" out there: if a girl is a super busy med student and she spends like 4 hours with you (the week before an exam) and you weren't "friends" before, she's probably into you and you can probably make a move without any risk of getting rejected. It's not a guarantee, but a pretty safe bet.

Even though the first date was kind of weird and we didn't make out, I still had a pretty good time. Naturally, we went on a second date. To Wahoo's. And he didn't pay for me. HA! This mostly made me laugh because my roommates and I had just spent a week making Chick-fil-A jokes and now we'll be able to add Wahoo's to the material. Then we made our was back out to the balloon and it was CLOSED AGAIN!! Again, this is hilarious (of course it was closed!!). And so, of course we didn't make out. We then went back to my place to watch CSI with my roommate and after she went to bed we hung out for like another hour on the couch... without making out. In his defense, he did say he "had a sore throat" and "didn't want to get me sick." Fair enough.

Up to this point, I was feeling so-so about the situation. I did have a good time with this guy. But is it in a romantic way or a "just-friends" way?

Which brings me to last night. Last night my roommate and I were supposed to go to see It's a Wonderful Life with him at the Lido Theater, which is the really cool "old-school" theater in Newport. My roommate came home like 10 minutes before we were supposed to leave and says, "Did he call you?! Because I was just hanging out with his ex-girlfriend and she invited herself to the movie and she's coming too!" WHAT?! So the four of us went to the movie and it was kind of awkward, but mostly because it felt like my roommate and I were crashing their date.

My interpretation of the "ex-girlfriend group date" is that it's a pretty clear sign that he's not that into me. Right? My roommate insists that he's told her he's interested. So, um. Is he just a total pussy (won't make the first move, let's his bitchy ex invite herself to the movies, etc)? Total confusion!

So here are my thoughts: Sorry, buddy. I'm pretty busy and don't have the time or energy to eat Chick-fil-A, not make out in really romantic places, and watch classic movies with you and your ex-girlfriend for hours on end (in any order/combination).

There you have it. I hope that this is enough romance to hold you guys over for a while. And to all of you potential suitors out there: no, I won't share the details of our dates with all of LAMe! Nation (HA!!!). Unless you act like a retard. Then I will.

*Okay, you probably don't, since that was a long time ago (before med school). If you have some time to kill, here are some classics: Elite Status!!, check all that apply, and How to pick up boys (this can barely be considered "classic," but it has some great tips on how to pick up boys, so I included it).

Roommate Found!

About a month ago, one of my roommates, H, declared that she was leaving our adorable CDM beach house for the joys of an Irvine Company Apartment. Lame! (Okay, fine. She's moving in with her boyfriend... this is exciting, blah blah blah).

This left my other roommate, J, and I with the task of finding a new roommate. At first, we thought this would be relatively easy; our house is super cute, clean, in a great location, and most importantly, affordable. We posted an ad on Craigslist and braced ourselves with the seemingly inevitable deluge of emails from interested prospective roommates.

So maybe we were a little over-confident. After about a week, we had only received two emails. The first one sounded bitchy: "Send me pictures of the room and maybe I'll reply with information about myself." I instantly hated her. But the second one sounded PERFECT! So we met and J and I loved her and everything was going to work out just great... until she emailed us a couple of days later saying she wasn't going to move out of her place after all. Thanks a lot, Tease.

A few rounds of Craigslist posts later, we had a meeting set up with Sierra. "Oh great! I love the name Sierra," said J, enthusiastically. "I bet she's super hippy and crunchy." (J is from Laguna Beach and while she herself is more "oatmeal," she has many granola friends).

"Really?" I replied, "Sierra sounds like a stripper name to me." A couple minutes later, the doorbell rang and Sierra did not disappoint: she had fake boobs, lips, hair, tan... everything including a raspy voice. She was totally a stripper. Sorry, but we're oatmeal and a med student, not strippers.

We changed tacks and started posting on Roommates.com as well as Craigslist (roommates.com, btw, is pretty fun and feels like an online dating site... but for roommates!). No luck. One girl was uber awkward and couldn't answer the even the simplest questions. For example, What's your name? "Well, you see... umm... it's kinda weird... but, uh... my name is E." Are you kidding me?! Another woman was a little older, super loud, and was moving to "pay down her debts." Here's a tip for people looking to rent a room from someone: Don't tell your potential housemates that you're in debt. You're pretty much guaranteed to not find housing. We even had a girl from England email us saying that she was going to immigrate... to our house (I should probably email her back saying no thanks... whoops).

In the end, I ended up taking the advice of my guy friends who would ask, "Is she hot?" after every single meeting with a prospective roommate. Our new roommate, B, is totally hot! But also, she seems really nice and friendly and, most importantly, normal.

News Alert: "How to Date a Med Student"

In case I haven't written enough about med school and dating, it looks like Fox News has jumped on the bandwagon with "How to Date a Med Student."

Sadly, I can identify with most (all) of these...

Also, which is a more reliable news source: LAMe! or Fox News?

on hold...

Love is in the air, my friends. Since medical school started, I have been to four weddings. In that same time, seven (SEVEN!!!) of my close friends or family (one was my brother) have become engaged. And these are just the people I’m close to; I’m not even including classmates (4 engagements, that I know of), or acquaintances (these numbers are staggering).

However, I'm nowhere near tying the knot. Before med school, everyone told me, “Don’t worry. You’ll find someone in medical school.” Now that I’m here, I’m not so sure. You see, dating in med school is not easy and even a little awkward.

First, you have to meet someone. This is easier said than done. Probably the biggest barrier to meeting new people is medical school. Or really, all of the studying I have to do to remain in medical school. Basically, I study all the time (this topic has already been extensively discussed). If I’m not studying, I’m doing some kind of extracurricular activity related to medical school (volunteering at Outreach Clinic, chauffeuring Buddhist monks around, etc). What I’m saying is I barely get the chance to interact with people outside of school (I actually tried to get my mom to pay for my membership at a fancy gym, claiming it was an investment in my future; my parents are desperate to marry me off. It didn’t work).

You’re probably thinking, “But once you finally do get out there, meeting people is easy. As a doctor in training, you should have decent people skills.” Wrong! First of all, let’s not make any assumptions about people skills. These days, holding a conversation about anything other than medicine, science, or studying is nearly impossible for me. For some reason, this makes it difficult to connect with people.

Forget about dating someone in my class. With all of this studying and learning, we spend all day, everyday with each other. And this will be the case for the next couple of years. On top of that, everyone knows everyone else’s business. No thanks, on the extra helping of drama.

So that leaves me alone, quickly approaching Advanced Maternal Age, a topic I’m well aware of thanks to Genetics, Physiology, and shadowing in Labor and Delivery. Trisomy 21, anyone?

check all that apply

Lately, I've been doing some dating. I know that dating is supposed to be fun and it mostly is. But sometimes it can be a little frustrating and mind-boggling. After a couple rejections following what seemed like fun/good dates, I would like some feedback (To my overly "helpful" friends: I'm really just saying this, please don't actually give me "constructive criticism." I don't want it). But really, sometimes it doesn't make sense why a boy doesn't call back.

So this is what I propose: If, after a week, a boy doesn't call you back following what seemed like a good date (don't bother with the bad ones, I think it's usually pretty obvious what went wrong with those), send them an "Exit Survey" to get a little feedback on what went wrong. It can look something like this:

I did not call you back because: (check all that apply)

• You are way too hot for me (I'm a 4 and you're a 7)
• You dated my roommate 2 years ago (this one actually happened... whoops)
• I got busy
• I met someone else
• You talk too much
• You don't talk enough
• You're boring
• You had food in your teeth
• You were awkward
• I'm too awkward
• I'm a pussy
• You seemed a little bit like a psycho
• I'm intimidated by your intelligence
• You ordered a gin and tonic
• We do not share similar religious views
• We do not share similar political views
• You ate too much
• You didn't eat enough
• You were a little ditzy
• You went on and on about your ex-boyfriends
• I'm afraid of redheads
• I'm looking for something long-term and you're going away to med school
• I really just wanted to make out and all I got was a hug
• We went straight to the friend zone
• I'm just not that into you
• I'm really into you but got in a terrible accident and have been in the hospital for a week
• I meant to call but haven't had a chance yet
• I'm a big douchebag

The list can go on, but I think you get the point. And please don't think this post is filled with the bitterness of a single 26 year-old woman who has been repeatedly rejected. Because really, it's not. Sometimes, I just think it would be nice to get some answers...

Engaged?!

No, not me. Don't worry, my friends, I am not engaged. I remain to be (bitterly) single, resigning myself to being alone forever. Aloooone. Forever. Actually, I'm kidding. Not about the engaged part (I'm still not engaged), but about the bitterly single part. Yeah, I'm single. But I'm enjoying my life as a twenty-something single girl. In fact, tonight I went on a date. And it was actually pretty fun. And I'm going speed dating on Wednesday - you're jealous, you know it.

But back to the matter at hand. Engagement. I just got back from a trip to Washington DC, which is apparently more than just the capital of our country; it is the capital of serious relationshipville. Literally every 25 year old woman I met while in DC was in a serious relationship and talking with her partner about engagement, or actually engaged. ENGAGED!! WTF?! It must be in the water...

I have never met or been around so many people my age who are engaged (seriously though - my roommate's relationship is going on 5 years with no ring. That's how un-engaged we are out here in LA). I turned 26 a month ago and I have really struggled to embrace the responsibilities of old age. It is truly difficult for me to fathom being engaged or married or (heaven forbid) pregnant. I sincerely feel as though I am too young and completely unprepared to do any of these adult things. However, in reality (and this is the part I'm really struggling with), 26 is a perfectly normal age to do any of these things. Like completely normal. It is entirely socially acceptable for a 26 year old to get married. People will never think, "what a shame, she was so young" at 26.

In fact, I feel as though I missed the memo on becoming engaged. The memo said, "Now that you are 26, you should start acting like an adult. First task, find a man and get engaged. Next, big wedding. Finally, have some kids. And now your fun single life is over and your stressful adult family life has begun. Enjoy!" This memo was first distributed in Washington DC and is slowly making its way across the country. As a mature, 26 year old woman, my response to this message is, "Suck it!"

Good thing I don't live in DC... I've got me some speed dating to attend.