USMLE: In Class

As our Kaplan course draws to a close (to which I simultaneously think "YES! I can't take it anymore" and "NO! That means my exam is just around the corner and I'm screwed), I'd like to reflect on some of my favorite things that happen in class.

By far the best/most entertaining thing that happens in class is when someone's book falls off of the mini fold-out desks we write on. This usually happens about once an hour. Honestly, it's been happening all year, and it is still funny. At this point, I'm so tired in class that I actually laugh out loud when it happens. It's particularly funny when a friend does it. I can barely contain myself when A does it.

Also funny is when someone drops anything - a waterbottle, pens/highlighters, a whole notebook/stack of books (this is the motherload). Last year, I used to love it when people (mostly A) would knock over their water bottles and it would clang and disrupt class (and I'm sure many of us remember when C spilled an entire water bottle that caused a total commotion as water spread across the entire floor of Tamkin).

Less funny is when R spills his coffee all over me and claims, "What did you do?!"

After 2 years of sitting in lecture with the same people, you begin to notice different mannerisms. One classmate has a very heavy step as he/she walks down the awkwardly spaced steps of Nelson. Another person wears a charm that tinkles (heehee, I just wrote "tinkles"...I'm 10 years old) as she walks in. It took me a little while to distinguish this sound from the jingle of R's dog collar (because, yes, sometimes people bring dogs to class). Some people arrive almost exactly 8 minutes late every day and then sit in the front row. Other people chatter annoyingly throughout class (okay, that's me and A... sorry guys! But it's all relevant!! (no, it's not.)).

Hmm... what else? Oh, I love it when cell phones ring. Mostly because it's always kind of a mystery as to how those people even got reception in the first place (it turns out Nelson is like the one place where AT&T actually works). The BEST was when R's phone started playing the Sexy Sax Man Video at the loudest possible volume imaginable (I didn't even know that iPhones could even play at such a loud volume... it was amazing... and he was sitting right next to me when it happened).

Am I missing anything? Feel free to add your favorites in the comments.

text flirting

You guys, I'm bored. It could be that I've been sitting alone studying pharmacology all day (likely).

Or, something else could be putting me to sleep: texting. I never thought I would say this, but texting is kind of boring. And do you know the most boring version of texting of them all? Text flirting.

Calm down. I am aware that there are people out there who love text flirting. And I'm sure they will let me know how great it really is (I know a certain D, who claims that text flirting is her whole game and with the right emoticons, she can even text make out. Which sounds... weird). I agree, sometimes it can be fun... sometimes. Mostly it's totally boring and a waste of time.

First of all, let me define what I mean by text flirting. To be clear I do not mean sending gross "sexts" (sorry D, though I'm not sure if your emoticons would even count as sexts). I think of text flirting as the early form of communication between two people who may or may not be interested in each other. It's a great(?) way to gage interest: presumably, if he/she responds then he/she is interested... at least enough to respond.* Plus, talking on the phone is so personal... and can be "awkward" (in my old age, I disagree with this, but whatever).

A friend of mine (and Master Texter) once said about extended text flirting, "I don't do that. That's like hanging out at Make-out Point and not making out." Oh, Master Texter, this is so, so true! (Also, MT was clearly referencing Chick-fil-A, which is kinda great).

My major problem with text flirting is that it's usually about nothing, because 1) you don't actually know each other that well and 2) you can only make joking references to your mutual friend and/or that one time you hung out for so long and 3) you are forced to make witty yet pointless comments when restricted to the 160 characters of a text message.

It also usually goes on forever... because you're texting about NOTHING and there is no logical end until someone gets bored and decides not to respond. The other alternate (and preferable) ending is that you make plans and actually hang out. But chances are, if you're in extended texting mode, the other person is either not that into you or kind of a chicken and so the "making plans" part may never happen.

Sure, text flirting can be fun and there is definitely strategy involved (one day, I'm hoping that Master Texter will share his expertise/ridiculousness on LAMe!). But this is really only at the very beginning. When it turns into a text-conversation... about nothing, I say "make out or get out!" Okay. No I don't. But I should!

On that note, I have to get back to Pharm (so lame and definitely more boring than text flirting).

Wait!! One more thing! I know I just bagged on texting a little... but if I already know you and we're getting into a texting conversation, this is NOT text flirting: My "make out or get out" policy (probably) does not apply and I'm most likely bored and would like to be entertained. So humor me :)

*And this may not even be true: Just last night I classic text flirted with a guy (I'm not interested in) for like 30 minutes (straight up text-conversation style) because he kept responding to my boring one-liner texts with questions and I didn't want to be a bitch by not responding. I finally ended it with "I have to study. Have a good Friday night!"

Romance! (or not)

Remember when LAMe! used to be super fun and I would blog about my exciting life as a single twenty-something?* I know, LAMe! has been a little lacking in the romance department lately. It's just that my life has been mostly romance-free (damn you, med school!) or I haven't wanted to write anything that could potentially be traced back to people you know (once again, damn you med school!).

Well you guys, you're in for a treat! Recently some events have taken place that are just too ridiculous for me not to blog about.

I guess I'll start at the beginning. I met this guy through my roommate and after a few (like a couple of months) friendly hang-out sessions, we went on a "date." The date went... well, it was kind of weird. First of all, we ate dinner at Chick-fil-A and HE DIDN'T PAY. Umm. Chick-fil-A?! And he didn't pay?! This threw me off a little, mostly because there was no possible way we weren't on a date and paying is pretty much part of my definition of a date. Like, if you're ever confused about if you accidently went on a date with someone, you think back to if he paid or not and there's your answer (this isn't always true, like if you're clearly with friends who happen to be guys and they pay, this does not mean you're on a date). Whatever, the Chick-fil-A situation was kind of a minor detail and I didn't really care, because it was pretty much hilarious to me. (You guys! Chick-fil-A!!!)

After dinner, the plan was to go up in the big orange balloon at the Orange County Great Park. This is actually a pretty cute date idea. Unfortunately, it was a Wednesday and the Great Park was closed (wah wah). Luckily, he was thinking on his feet and he said, "Since we couldn't go up in the balloon, I'm going to take you to the Top of the World instead." Totally cute. Oh, and for those of you not in the know, the Top of the World Park is in Laguna Beach and has beautiful panoramic views of both the coastline and Irvine. Oh, and it's a total make-out spot.

So there we were, taking in the views (it was a crystal clear night), gazing at the stars, and NOT MAKING OUT. After a lovely time at the Top of the World, we're heading down the hill back to Laguna when we see these crazy looking boats... so of course, we go to the beach. Where the waves are gently crashing and the stars are bright and we're still not making out. Later, we go back to his place where we continue to not make out.

That's cool. It's technically a first date. No need to rush into these things. Fine. I'll admit it: I'm pretty awkward and I'm not super touchy-feely and I pretty much never make the first move. But still! Here's a tip for all of you "shy guys" out there: if a girl is a super busy med student and she spends like 4 hours with you (the week before an exam) and you weren't "friends" before, she's probably into you and you can probably make a move without any risk of getting rejected. It's not a guarantee, but a pretty safe bet.

Even though the first date was kind of weird and we didn't make out, I still had a pretty good time. Naturally, we went on a second date. To Wahoo's. And he didn't pay for me. HA! This mostly made me laugh because my roommates and I had just spent a week making Chick-fil-A jokes and now we'll be able to add Wahoo's to the material. Then we made our was back out to the balloon and it was CLOSED AGAIN!! Again, this is hilarious (of course it was closed!!). And so, of course we didn't make out. We then went back to my place to watch CSI with my roommate and after she went to bed we hung out for like another hour on the couch... without making out. In his defense, he did say he "had a sore throat" and "didn't want to get me sick." Fair enough.

Up to this point, I was feeling so-so about the situation. I did have a good time with this guy. But is it in a romantic way or a "just-friends" way?

Which brings me to last night. Last night my roommate and I were supposed to go to see It's a Wonderful Life with him at the Lido Theater, which is the really cool "old-school" theater in Newport. My roommate came home like 10 minutes before we were supposed to leave and says, "Did he call you?! Because I was just hanging out with his ex-girlfriend and she invited herself to the movie and she's coming too!" WHAT?! So the four of us went to the movie and it was kind of awkward, but mostly because it felt like my roommate and I were crashing their date.

My interpretation of the "ex-girlfriend group date" is that it's a pretty clear sign that he's not that into me. Right? My roommate insists that he's told her he's interested. So, um. Is he just a total pussy (won't make the first move, let's his bitchy ex invite herself to the movies, etc)? Total confusion!

So here are my thoughts: Sorry, buddy. I'm pretty busy and don't have the time or energy to eat Chick-fil-A, not make out in really romantic places, and watch classic movies with you and your ex-girlfriend for hours on end (in any order/combination).

There you have it. I hope that this is enough romance to hold you guys over for a while. And to all of you potential suitors out there: no, I won't share the details of our dates with all of LAMe! Nation (HA!!!). Unless you act like a retard. Then I will.

*Okay, you probably don't, since that was a long time ago (before med school). If you have some time to kill, here are some classics: Elite Status!!, check all that apply, and How to pick up boys (this can barely be considered "classic," but it has some great tips on how to pick up boys, so I included it).

Teach me how to Dougie

Last weekend at retreat something really awkward happened to me. In fact, it was so embarrassing that I've waited over a week to share it with you guys.

I was at a party in someone's hotel room when "Teach Me How To Dougie" came on and EVERYONE in the room started to aggressively do The Dougie. Except for me. Because I had never heard the song before (and so obviously knowing the dance was out of the question). I was so stunned/caught off guard that I kind of just froze (and/or blacked out... I'm still not entirely sure).

Finally, I came to and asked some kid what the song was. "You've never heard this?!" He kind of laughed. (OMG, I thought, I'm officially old and totally out of touch).

"Wait," I said, "When did this come out? Over the summer?" I was desperate at this point to prove that I'm not that socially retarded after all... I'd been out of the country for 2 months and pretty much away from all forms of media (If you remember, I didn't even know about those effing iPads!!).

"Uh, yeah sure." (The real answer: no).

"Oh thank god," I replied. "You see, I was out of the country... I didn't hear any new music." (such desperation!! As if he cared about my lame excuse).

He kind of nodded, rolled his eyes a little, and Dougied away from me.

OMG, you guys!! It was mortifying! And so, so weird! Imagine an entire room of people breaking out in song and dance and you being completely out of the loop. It was awful.

For those of you still out of the loop (suckers!), here's the link to the YouTube video (sorry, couldn't embed it).

And for those of you who need a more family-friendly lesson on how to Dougie, here are some kids from Glee walking you through the dance. (GLEE, you guys!!)

Torture on the TGV

OMG you guys. I've been stuck on the TGV from Dijon to Lausanne (Switzerland) for the past hour and a half. Cool! You must be thinking; TGV's are sweet! Well, they are sweet. Unless you are stuck behind a disgustingly intellectual British couple who feel the need to read poetry out loud to each other in their annoying british accents. In between lines of a poem, they will kiss and then discuss punctuation. "You know, a comma in this decade can be interpreted so differently from last decade." *kiss kiss*

Are you kidding me?! I think I'm going to be sick.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Elite Status!!

Soo... I went speed dating a couple of nights ago. I've always thought it sounded fun and now that I'm embracing my hip single-girl lifestyle, I thought "why not?!" So my friend V, Sis-E, and I went out to Hollywood for speed dating. We signed up a few weeks ago and couldn't wait for the actual event. Seriously, every day we'd count down the days. Everyone around us was interested in the event. Even my step-dad wanted to know how it went; he confessed that he'd always wanted to try it, too.

The excitement kept building and building until the big day arrived. Except by the actual day of the event, I was a little more freaked out than actually ready to "date" 10 guys in one night. To make matters worse, I had a meeting earlier that afternoon in Hollywood, so I had to arrive on my own. V and Sis-E were carpooling and coming up on their own. Ah! I totally didn't feel prepared to tackle this event on my own.

My meeting ended at 5:30 and speed dating didn't start until 7:30, so I had some time to kill. After waiting in my car for an hour (yeah, I was that sketchy person getting dressed and putting makeup on in my car... you know, just chilling in a parked car at dusk. No big deal), I decided to change locations. So I went to a nearby Pinkberry, where I waited for another 45 minutes. Alone. In Pinkberry. As in, nobody else was in there, except for the overly attentive person behind the counter who "hooked me up" with chocolate chips and later brought be water "just in case I was thirsty."

Finally, the time came for me to just suck it up and go into the bar. I saw a few girls lingering outside, so I figured that if anything, I had the place right. I go in and there is literally only two other people in there - one is the guy hosting the event and the other is some other speed dating dude. I ordered a drink, my usual G&T and wait anxiously for my people to arrive. After a minute or so, I decided to introduce myself to the other speed dater, since I decided I would be kind of an ass if I didn't. It was all a little awkward.

But soon, everything fell into place. V and Sis-E FINALLY arrived and after another awkward talk about how everything was going to go, we got started. And it was pretty fun! Sure, the first minute or so of every date started off a little slow, but after that the 8 minutes sped by.

I think the best part about speed dating was that it allowed me to get to know guys that I would have otherwise never taken the time to talk to... because honestly, the girls were a lot hotter than the guys. The guys were all a little so-so. Why is that? So many of my guy friends sounded interested and wanted to know how it all went, but were too nervous to give it a chance. To those of you single guys out there who have been on the fence about speed dating: Do it! You'll totally get a bunch of dates because of how normal you are! But really, I met some interesting people who I wouldn't mind getting to know further. It has reminded me to take the time to get to know people outside of my "norm."

Oh wait. I'm sure you wanted at least one juicy/ridiculous story from this event. Before I went, my coworkers and I were joking about absurd questions to ask in case the date went wrong. Such questions included "Do you think God likes black people or white people more?" and "Can you believe they still teach evolution in schools?" I was in the middle of a horrible date, clearly the worst of the night, where the 8 minutes could not pass any slower. He asked questions like, "Define romanticism" and "Do you believe in love at first sight?" and "If you saw your favorite actor, would you kiss him on the first date?" The whole time, he was like "I looove you and I already checked 'yes' as soon as I saw you." SO CREEPY. And so I busted out the evolution question. "What are your thoughts on evolution?" I asked. His response: "Another date with you." OMG and EW. Next!

Anyway, the next day, I received my matches (I had said yes to 4 out of 11 guys) and they all said yes to me! What a confidence boost!! And not only that, since I had such a high "success rate," I've been promoted to "Elite Status" with Fast Life, the speed dating company we used. That means I get discounted rates if I ever want to go again and can go to "Elite Events" for all of the cool popular people. Yay for me!!

But seriously, for those of you on the fence about speed dating, go for it! If anything, you'll get a little more comfortable with first date jitters/awkwardness and you might meet some interesting new people.