The other day, my friend announced to me that he is in love with a married woman. “What should I do?” He asked. “I love her. She’s perfect. And she’s completely unhappy in her marriage.”
My initial response was to stay away. I know this might be shocking, but I take the whole “marriage” concept pretty seriously and wrecking homes isn’t my thing.
“But life is too short and unpredictable,” my friend replied. “If I don’t make a move, I might regret it for the rest of my life.” (My friend also has a tendency towards the dramatic).
My friend claims that his dream girl in unhappy in her marriage. We’ve all been in those “friendships” where you spend a lot of time with someone who has a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/whatever. They never talk about their SO and/or if they do, it sounds negative or cold. After enough time, it’s easy to convince yourself (especially if you want to believe it) that they’re not happy. But does that mean you should do something about it?
I guess what I’m wondering is: Is it ever okay to pursue someone in a relationship? My gut says no (however, as I’ve thought about this, I’ve come to realize that I’m a bit of an excuse maker when it comes to romance… more on this later). Or is my friend right? Should we forget about social conventions and seize the day in the name of love?
Let me know what you think in the comments!
No. It's not okay to break up a marriage. If the woman is truly unhappy, then she can make the decision to leave. There could be a whole-lotta unforeseen repercussions.
ReplyDeleteShe needs to decide to leave and figure out why her marriage didn't work before she stands a chance at a successful relationship. If he feels the need to say something, he can comment that he's looking for a girl just like her, or other similar comments that show he's interested, but any of the following could result:
ReplyDeleteHe'll be shut down and find out she's actually happily married. In this case, she will probably tell her husband about the advance, and your friend will be expelled from the social circle that introduced him to this woman.
She will respond to the flattery of being attractive and perhaps test her definition of cheating. This has high dick-teasing potential. Also, he must question the wisdom of a relationship with a woman who would do this.
She eagerly engages in a passionate affair, which leads to a messy divorce and/or a great deal of regret later. Again, he must question the wisdom of a relationship with a woman who would do this. This also makes him a home-wrecker.
For more complex scenarios, consult the news, television shows, and movies.
I would encourage your friend to imagine being married - to this woman or anyone - and how he would respond to some single guy making a play for his wife. If his imagination sucks, see above comment regarding news, TV, and movies.