I have a hot new boyfriend!

April fools, you guys! I don't have a hot new boyfriend at all (or even a regular boyfriend for that matter). You see, every year, on April 1st, we play pranks on each other and call it "April Fools Day." And we think we're hilarious for doing so. I just got you SO GOOD!!

But really, April Fools day is out of control. I woke up this morning to an email from my boss, "Major Announcement" in the subject line. The email started out strong with, "I'm moving to Japan" and got more and more ridiculous: "My ex-girlfriend is pregnant (It's a boy!)" and "I'm gay, that's why I have this sweet 'stache." The email ended with "Happy April Fools Day Foolios!!!! You totally got burned Hahahahaha and rsrsrsrsrsrs."

Are you kidding me?!

Here are some lessons learned from the "Major Announcement" email that should be applied to future April Fools Day jokes:

1) Keep it simple. This prank would have been strong if he had only mentioned going to Japan. The prankiness of this email was immediately clear when he started to mention his unborn son and his 'stache.

2) Don't grow a mustache. It's creepy. And especially don't post a picture of you with the 'stache.

3) No need to use the word, "Foolios." Ever.

4) Also, no need to remind people that they got burned by your prank. And then laugh in English and Portuguese (that's just weird/confusing). It may also lead to counter-pranks, which nobody really wants (Like last year, someone tried to pull the, "Did you like my 'I totally fell for your prank' prank?" I'm not even kidding). This puts people on edge which then leads to April Fools Day misunderstandings.

The biggest problem with April Fools Day is deciphering what is prank and what is reality. For example, last year, directly after my boss' "I'm getting married" prank, he announced that one of our labmates had been accepted into our derm residency program (which is kind of life-changing and a big deal). At first we all (including the guy who had been accepted) thought it was a joke until my boss clarified with the classic, "This shit is REAL!" Okay, he didn't say that. He probably said something lame like, "Seriously, this is not a joke, you really have been accepted into the program." Still, poor timing for the announcement, dude. Similarly, my roommate heard that she finally (after several months) had been hired for a super-serial job today. Her mom still thinks it's a hoax.

But even the mundane is at risk on April 1st. In the lab we wanted to eat out for lab meeting. When K returned with the bad news that we couldn't eat out, we all replied with, "April fools! We're going out!" Except he was serious. And we didn't even get free lunch with lab meeting.