Hooked Up.

I have a problem and it's kind of weird and random: I am constantly getting hooked up with free coffee.

"WTF?!" you may scoff, "Wow, J, you lead such a difficult life full of challenges!"

But seriously, getting hooked up with free coffee is a big problem for me. And it happens all the time. Here's the thing: if I wanted a cup of caffeinated drink the size of my head, I would have ordered one. I am not ordering a small or a medium because I'm too cheap to order the large! I am ordering that size because that is the volume of beverage I would like to consume.

Of course, if someone hooks me up with a Big-Gulp size of iced coffee, I'm going to drink it. And then I'm going to be sick. This is no exaggeration. Once, I ordered an Iced Dunkaccino from Dunkin' Donuts (a mistake in and of itself - too much sugar!) and the guy hooked me up with a giant size. Several hours (and, admittedly, some munchkins) later, I puked at my sister's graduation dinner. Actually, it wasn't quite at the dinner; I managed to run outside and puke on the side of the building instead. Bottom line: that damn giant Dunkaccino made me sick!!

Last week, the guys at Starbiz gave me a large (or, excuse me, Venti? I wouldn't even know, because I never order that size) iced coffee. It took me like 3 hours to finish it and I ended up walking into a biochem review session twitching from caffeine overload.

And today, I got the biggest hookup of them all! At the Bean, I ordered a medium iced tea. In case any of you are wondering (and I know you were), my order is half Swedish Berries and half Japanese Cherry or Strawberry Cream Green Tea. This drink is BOMB (that's right, I said it was bomb. In 2009. I'm bringing "bomb" back). It also makes you feel special because it's like a secret combo or something... kind of like ordering "animal style" from In-N-Out.

Anyway, I ordered a medium and the guy makes me a large. Totally not surprising to me given my tendency to get hooked up with these things. Then, he full-on pours ANOTHER drink, looks me in the eye and goes, "Whoops! I made two! Do you want the other one, too?" Are you kidding me?! I ended up turning him down, which was kind of tough since he put up a fight. But seriously, I don't think I could have physically fit that much liquid in my body. And I was really only ordering a drink to be polite about setting up camp and studying there for a while; I wasn't even thirsty!

So here's my point: Even though it seems like it would be super sweet to constantly be given extra caffeinated drinks for free, it really is a burden and often leads to me puking on the side of a building (and by "often," I mean, once). It also makes me wonder why I'm getting these hookups. Do I look super tired (euphemism for crappy) and in need of caffeine? Or is it that I'm just so unbelievably cute and nice that people (it's always boy baristas, now that I think of it) can't help but want to hook me up? I'd like to think it's the latter. Sadly, it's probably the former.