MS3

Oh, hey guys! Yeah, I know. It's been a couple of months since I've written anything. Sorry. It's just that things are kind of busy during third year! And stressful! Plus, up until last week, I was elbow deep in vaginas (okay, sorry. That was gross. And only partially true).

I had meant to write at least one post during each of my rotations, but that failed after R1 (pediatrics). Now, I've completely missed OB/GYN (R2) and I'm onto Family Medicine (R3).

Here are some general thoughts about being a third year medical student:

• My new name is "Medical Student." As in, "Medical Student! Shred this document." Or "Medical Student! There is a chart in the hall and someone needs to see that patient." Or "Medical Student, you are sitting in my chair... Now, you're standing too close behind me." I've realized that I'm pretty much interchangeable with any other person in a short white coat. The other day a resident (who I had worked closely with for a couple of weeks) mistook me for my classmate, who is blonde. The best part was that he just walked over and started listing off tasks I should do while I shook my head in defiance (I was on a completely different service at that point). In his defense, he felt pretty bad about it.
• I feel like an idiot 90% of the time. Simple tasks, like cutting a suture or making a phone call, are suddenly incredibly difficult. You guys! "Cutting a suture" sounds fancy, but it is literally cutting a string with scissors. But you have to hold the scissors a certain way. And you don't want to cut the string too long/short. Sometimes the string is thicker and more difficult to cut. And you have to use the tip of the scissors so as not to risk cutting tissue. AH! STRESS. Don't even get me started on phone calls...
• I live in a constant state of anxiety/discomfort. This is because we are constantly changing services or clinic locations; just last week, I worked at 3 different clinics, each one totally different in the way things were done from the other. Every time we are in a new place, we need to figure out our roles and expectations for us. For example, at one clinic I was simply shadowing (lame) while earlier that morning I had been independently seeing patients, writing notes, and presenting my findings to the attending physician who did very little to double check what I had done. Of course, nobody explicitly says what we're supposed to be doing; we just have to figure it out. This can be on a even more basic level. Once a fellow med student and I awkwardly hovered in the residents' room with our lunches for 10 minutes, waiting for the residents to give us permission to eat/tell us where the lunch room was. We would have asked them, but they were in deep conversation (basically gossiping) and it was not our place to interrupt.

Despite these things (and I'm sure there are more - feel free to add your own experiences in the comments), Third Year is fun! Yup, you heard me. Even though I feel like an idiot and I'm constantly nervous about screwing up, I finally get to talk to patients and do doctory things. For example, a couple of weeks ago I delivered a baby. You guys, I delivered an effing baby! So what I'm saying is even though I'm kind of a stressed out mess, I'm also kind of loving it.

Pet Parent

As many of you know, I've recently become a pet parent; I adopted 2 (adorable) kittens in May. What some of you may not know is that I'm currently on my pediatrics rotation for medical school. The combination of having kitties and home and dealing with kiddos all day in the clinic or hospital has gotten me a little "peds crazy" (it's like an immersion program!). In other words, I find myself constantly comparing my kitties to human children.

Let's start with development. My first weeks of the pediatrics rotation were spent in a private clinic where I observed many Well Child Checks with many questions about development and milestones. At the time, my kittens were about 3 months old. In a 3 month-old child, we're not asking for a lot: socially, they may begin to develop a social smile or enjoy playing with other people and cry when playing stops; for language, they begin to babble or coo; for motor skills, they can raise their head and chest when lying on stomach.

When I first learned these milestones and then returned home to see my kittens racing around the house doing backflips I thought, are you kidding me?! My kittens dominate humans! You guys, my kittens are like hyperdeveloped!

Then, I looked online and it turns out that in "Cat Years" (if that even exists), a 3 month old cat is equal to a 4 year old kid. Developmentally, 4 year olds can do things like balance on one foot, catches a ball, and copies a cross. At 4 years of age, strangers should understand 100% of a child's speech. With this new information, I was crushed. My little babies are delayed! I mean, Lizzie doesn't even know how to meow yet - she really only makes a weird cooing sound (and she's now 4 months, which is like a 6 year old kid).

And then I remembered that I have cats. And not kids.


This isn't the only area of overlap. A couple of weeks ago, I had to take them in for their shots. Quick! What vaccinations do 3 month old kittens need? I (half) jokingly asked the nurse at the vet's office if I could get a yellow card to keep track of all their shots. She looked confused and then responded with "we'll send you a postcard."

I've also been concerned with Lizzie's growth; she's significantly smaller than her brother, Harry. Does anybody know of a good kitten growth chart? I really need to know if she's dropping curves. I mean, what if she has failure to thrive?! (I'm pretty sure she doesn't).

Okay, I obviously realize that there's a difference between cats and children. But I now more fully appreciate what parents are thinking or going through when they bring their child in for a Well Child Check or a Sick Visit or (heaven forbid) to the hospital. I understand the questions and concerns that they're feeling (or at least where those concerns are coming from).

I also understand that I'm officially a crazy cat lady.

Btw, I just googled "kitten growth chart" (which is a little embarrassing. Well, to be honest, this entire post is embarrassing) and found a website with milestones. According to that official source, which is "www.all-about-cute-kittens.com" (I'm not even kidding), by 12 weeks, neurological development reaches adult levels. If that's true, my cats might actually be delayed.

Kitties!

Last week, I did something a little ridiculous: I adopted two kittens. I'm not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to take home and care for two little bundles of terror/total cuteness at the very beginning of my third year of med school, but I went for it.

In response to my exciting news, an old boyfriend told me, "You've just solidified your chances of never meeting someone or having children." Yeah. Probably. But didn't I do that when I started med school at 26? (Answer: yes).

Anyway, meet Queen Elizabeth (the little orangey) and Prince Harry (the super beautiful white and orange one).


You guys, I'm kind in love with them! As a first-time cat parent, it's super fun to observe the little guys explore their new home/figure out the world around them. Here are some things that they seem to be obsessed with (and I mean obsessed... like they truly can't get enough of it):

• The refrigerator. Every time I open the fridge, they run to the edge and stare into it with wonder. "What is this giant thing that is super cold?" they must be thinking. Silly kitties. There's nothing exciting in there for you. Except for my food. Which I don't want to be contaminated by kitten.

• The broom. My cats are really into kicking their kitty-litter around, so I've been doing a lot of sweeping. Which they LOVE, because I'm pretty sure they consider the broom to be a giant toy and the pile of dirt/dust/litter an extension of that toy. So really, it's a vicious cycle; the more they kick out their litter, the more Broom they get to see/bat at. And the dirtier my apartment gets.

• Running water from the sink. I get it. This must be magical. I mean, I barely understand where the water is coming from (pipes? Honestly, I don't know). Whenever I run the sink in the bathroom, they climb up to the edge of the sink and just stare at the water while edging closer and closer to the stream. Pretty soon, they're going to fall in and be filled with regret.

• My bedroom. My bedroom is off-limits to kitties. They've quickly learned this and now have deemed it their life mission to get into my room every time I open the door.

• Stepping in their poop and tracking it around. Okay, they may not actually be obsessed with this but they do it All. The. Time. It happens so much that sometimes I call Prince Harry (he's usually the perpetrator) "Shit Paws." I thought cats were supposed to be clean! It's sick (Don't worry all potential visitors; I clean it up - all. the. time).

• Me! Finally. Someone who likes me for me. Yup, it's official: I'm now a crazy cat lady (goodbye forever, future plans of husband/kids).

USMLE Step 1: It's OVER

Hey guys! Guess what?! I survived Step 1! Okay, I guess I should say I took Step 1. And hopefully I passed? We'll see.

First Aid had warned me, "Expect to experience some 'reentry' phenomena as you try to regain a real life." (Yeah, that's right, I just quoted First Aid. What?!). When I first read that, I remember thinking, "Silly med students. My life hasn't been that different. It won't be that difficult to get back to normal life."

Okay, First Aid. Lesson learned. I'm almost two weeks out and I'm still pretty socially awkward (also, I know... I'm pretty socially awkward in general. I mean increased awkwardness above baseline). I guess that's what hanging out alone in my apartment studying all day every day for a few weeks will do to me.

After my exam, I turned on my TV (and changed the channel from the solid HGTV channel, which provided the perfect length shows for mealtime breaks throughout my study period) and realized that while I was sitting alone at my desk, big things were happening in the world around me.

Here are the top 5 things (that I know of) that happened while I was studying for Step 1 - and that I only had a vague idea were taking place even though I guess some of them were a "big deal."

1. The Royal Wedding. I guess this was kind of a big deal and the media was obsessed with it. My Royal Wedding experience consisted of me checking my favorite time-wasting blog, Go Fug Yourself, and noticing some pictures of the happy couple. "Oh, I guess that wedding was today," I thought to myself. And then I got back to studying.

2. President Obama was super productive. First, he produced his birth certificate (to which my response was, "Oh thank God." Oh wait, I didn't really care). THEN, he single handedly hunted down and killed Osama bin Laden. At least, I'm pretty sure this is what happened, based on the drunken cheers of some of my classy Seal Beach neighbors (btw, the big news broke on like a Sunday or Monday night, so obviously my neighbors were drunk).

3. My friends all decided to get pregnant. Okay, possible exaggeration. But still; the week before my exam), two of my close friends told me that they are preggers. WTF?! This is only the beginning of the "all of my friends are married and/or mothers" epidemic. Shit. (But seriously, I'm super excited for them... and also happy that at least they personally broke the news to me and I didn't find out months later on fb).

4. The Lakers decided to quit playing basketball. Seriously though. I was SUPER excited to watch the Lakers in the playoffs this year (you know, in the glorious days after my exam). And then, within days of taking my exam, they were swept in Round 2. Super lame. Lakeshow, I am very disappointed in you. I hope you think long and hard about what you have done and come back next year ready to actually play basketball.

5. I can't actually think of more things that happened. One of my classmates suggested "Libya" and "Fast 5," but honestly, I don't even know what those things are.

Did I miss anything? (ha)

USMLE: Qbank FAIL

I'm just going to say it: when my Kaplan Qbank freezes in the middle of a set of questions, I get a little frustrated.

Okay, maybe more than a little frustrated. I mean, maybe I lose my cool a little when the page still won't load after refreshing/exiting and reentering in and out of Qbank for like 10 minutes.

Or maybe, just maybe, I COMPLETELY LOSE MY SHIT because this is UNACCEPTABLE AND A TOTAL WASTE OF MY TIME.

Maybe I'm a little stressed?

From FPG to OPG

One sad thing about my move to Seal Beach is that I have to quit Fancy Pants Gym (FPG). I actually really love it there, but really, it's just too far away now (oh, and I finally got the memo that I'm not fancy enough).

As an alternative, I've joined a new gym which is like the most basic gym ever (so, umm... the opposite of FPG), but it's cheap and gets the job done (plus, I've joined a separate yoga studio to cover my yoga needs). The new gym is right by Leisure World, a giant retirement community, and so it is chock-full of old people! Which is weird. And cute. And weird.

I know. This is hilarious because I'm old. And now I go to Old Person Gym (OPG). Just keep the jokes coming. I can handle it (or maybe I'll just turn off my hearing aid?).

Anyway, something adorable happened at OPG this morning. I was working out on the elliptical, watching Good Morning America when they started a piece on the Official 2012 Calendar of Heroes: FDNY Firefighters. Out of nowhere, there were old ladies on the ellipticals next to me frantically trying to get their headphones plugged in. Every screen in OPG had been turned to the hot firefighters! As soon as the segment was over, they turned back to their books. One lady even got off the elliptical. So cute.

USMLE: Qbank

OMG, we've been done with Kaplan for 3 days! I miss you all SO MUCH.

Okay... maybe not that much. BUT, I am starting to get a little lonely in my studying solitude. Luckily, I'm able to FaceTime and video/gchat with people and that keeps me connected. Still, my human interaction is pretty limited. I'm pretty sure I've officially become the "weird stressed out med student" neighbor. And I've also been wearing the same outfit (more or less) for the past 3 days (so, if anything, the Kaplan course kept me groomed. Good thing that's over).

Other than my gross hygiene habits, I don't have much to report. Oh! I know! I studied at my counter today, instead of at my desk! Just to keep things sassy. (Oh. My. God. My life is pathetic).

One thing that's kinda funny: I've noticed that I get a little too into the Qbank vignettes as I'm reading them. Like, I verbally react to stories as they progress. For example, most vignettes start out with the presenting symptom or a description of the patient. If the patient is an alcoholic (and there are a lot of alcoholics on the USMLE), I say, outloud, "Here we go." As the stories progress, so do my reactions. The patient has ptosis? "Uh oh." He was bit by a tick? "Oh god." If the patient dies, then I lose it (Okay, no I don't. But I'll usually gasp with "oh no!").

You guys, I'm like really invested in these vignettes! Don't worry, it's not really wasting time or distracting me too much... it's more like this kind of ridiculous/hilarious thing I find myself doing as I'm going through the questions. Am I the only one? I think I might have to tone it down for exam day.

I also have become obsessed with highlighted stuff on the computer. Not so much while I'm doing the actual practice questions, but as I'm reading the explanations. Now, I find myself highlighting interesting/important facts on other websites with my mouse... and then I'm disappointed when the text doesn't turn yellow. That's weird, right?