Wingman

Last night we went out in Coconut Grove. At one point in the evening L and I had the "pleasure" of talking to a guy while his friend hit on the other girl in our group. This was a classic wingman situation.
Why do guys feel the need to play wingman in the first place? It's not like L and I were lost without our friend. We also were totally fine with letting her talk to this new guy. It's not like we were going to take her away from the interested guy.
But whatever, this wingman was kinda cute and seemed nice enough so L and I decided to play along.
You guys!! This wingman was the WORST! First of all, he hated everything. Everything. For no reason. He hated LA. He hated pediatrics (he's a lawyer, but thought about medicine first). L told him she does research on birds and he immediately asked her the best way to kill the parrots that wake him up every morning. Because he hates them. He also hates old people, Miami, vaginas, the Westchester Country Club, the Palace (an apartment building near L in Miami). He likely also hated his friend for making him play wingman.
Don't worry guys, he did love one thing: UFC. Which I hate.
Worst wingman ever.

LAMe goes to Miami!

Big news, you guys! I'm on vacation in Miami visiting my friend, L!! So obviously I'm going to blog to keep you all updated on the excitement of my trip.
Here's what's happened so far:
- I was hypnotized by the Cuban Trifecta. In case you're not aware of such a trifecta, it includes a Cuban sandwich with 2 forms of pork (aka pork squared), coffee, and tres leches. Be careful, it is quite powerful.
- We took 2 trips the Miami International Airport... Because one trips was not enough.
- L introduced me to the south with her shrimp and grits recipe for dinner. Yummy!

Arts & Crafts

Killing it at Medieval Times

I'm on break, you guys!  FINALLY!  I haven't had a real vacation since May, so this is pretty exciting.  I'm about a week in and so far, I'm pretty much killing it at being on vacation.  So much relaxing happening here.  So much.

Ugh.  Who am I kidding? I'm super bored.  Within 48 hours of break, I had read a book, caught up on all my DVR'd shows, cleaned my house, went to the gym and 2 yoga classes, threw a birthday party, and hung out with my cats for kind of a weird amount of time. This week, I've helped my sister pick out a wedding dress, gotten a bikini wax, hitch-hiked to In-N-Out, gone to the Aquarium of Pacific, the dentist, AND Medieval Times.  Today, I was so bored that I literally ordered Showtime because regular TV couldn't even entertain me.

What is wrong with me?  Is it possible that I'm no longer capable of relaxing?  I knew things were getting bad when I started thinking about arts and crafts projects that I could do while on break.  You see, I'm pretty terrible at arts and crafts, mostly because I never finish the projects.  Here are a few of my top arts and crafts projects and how they turned out:

• Seasonal greeting cards. Earlier this week, I thought, "I should make hand-made Christmas

  

  Possible Xmas card

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Cards!" And then I felt exhausted and quit before the project even began. I haven't even motivated to send out regular Christmas Cards. That I bought last year. In my defense, I had an awesome 2-year run of homemade valentines back in the "Good Old Days" before med school, so this Christmas card idea isn't that ridiculous.
• Knitting. Technically, I've been "knitting" the same scarf and hat since 2000.  They made it through college with me (unfinished) and now sit in a brown paper bag in my closet at my parents' house.
• Quilting.  Speaking of things chilling in my closet at my parents' house. Years ago, I decided I was going to sew a quilt.  I even bought the pattern and fabric - it was going to be a glorious pink and green quilt - and then I placed them in a bag in my closet and haven't looked back.
• Friendship bracelets. You guys, I kind of destroyed at making friendship bracelets back in the day.  In fact, this might be one arts and crafts project that I actually consistently managed to complete (these were in high demand - as a camp counselor at Farm Camp, I had a lot of friends).*

OMG, you guys.  This whole never finishing art projects may be contagious... I can barely finish this post. But seriously, time for me to get back to relaxing.  Even writing this was exhausting.

*Recently, this skill has come in handy, since it turns out friendship bracelet knots are the same as surgical knots.  So yeah. Thanks to my extensive arts and crafts skills, I was pretty good at knot tying during my surgery clerkship.

Celebration: the End of Movember

November 30 marks a glorious day: the end of Movember. 

For those of you who don't know what Movember is (my mom), here is the description from the official Movember website, "During November each year, Movember is responsible for the sprouting of moustaches on thousands of men’s faces, in the US and around the world. With their Mo’s, these men raise vital funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men."

You guys, I effing hate Movember. Sorry, "men's health," but moustaches are gross and make almost any guy look creepy.  Yet, for some reason, guys LOVE Movember. It's like finally they have an excuse to grow out their facial hair and style it in "fancy" ways (and by "fancy" I mean like a child molester) and then take ridiculous pictures of themselves "being men." 

My favorite is how by the end of the month, even the boys are sick of their Mo's. Yet they still "tough it out" and keep them 'til the end, even though I'm pretty sure a lot of them barely even did any fundraising.* So really, they're just doing it for "awareness," which is kinda good, I guess.  But remember when girls were posting their bra colors of fb for "breast cancer awareness?" That was dumb.  Okay, now I'm just sounding like a bitch.  I know: Movember is not the same as posting bra colors on fb.

But back to Movember.  I guess prostate cancer is a "good cause" (and I'm pretty sure you can still donate if you're interested, even though the month is over, hallelujah) and Movember is a fun idea.  It's just that moustaches are so gross.

Boys, seriously.  Nobody wants to make out with you when your face looks like that.


*This reminds me a lot of how my little sister used to scream, "Stop it! I love it!" when she was being tickled as a child.  It also reminds me of how my mom complains about decorating for Christmas every year and then willingly transforms her entire home into Santa's workshop extravaganza, loving every minute of it.

Scary Voice

I know. It's been a while. And no, it's not because I was on my surgery rotation or a little sicky or hanging out with my cats (these things are all true). It's because I needed an issue that I am pretty fired up about to inspire me to blog.

Well, my friends, I've found one: I effing hate commercials on the radio that use scary voices. I pretty much dread the month of October, because all you hear on the radio are commercials for various haunted houses, mazes, or theme parks. The Scary Voices they use pretty much make me feel sick to my stomach. Every time I hear them. Even the fairly benign Halloween Time at Disneyland commercial kind of grosses me out. For those of you who don't really know what I'm talking about (which, I pretty much think is impossible, since these commercials play non-stop on the radio during the month of October, but anyway), here is the audio for the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland, which uses the same creepy voice.



You guys! I love the Haunted Mansion! It's one of my favorite rides at Disneyland (I'm actually listening to the audio now, and while the Voice creeps me out, I pretty much have the entire ride memorized). But that voice!! Without the context of being on the ride, it really gets under my skin. As do all of those gross commercials for various spooky Halloween activities.

"Hey, J!" You may be thinking, "Way to be timely with this post, since it's mid-November and Halloween was several weeks ago!" I know, you guys. I'm so on top of the issues!

Here's the thing: I was so excited that Halloween was over and I didn't have to listen to that Voice for a whole year, until KROQ announced this year's line-up for Almost Acoustic Christmas and the Voice reappeared.




Are you effing kidding me, KROQ?! I get that you are trying to be all "hardcore" and "rock station-y" but Christmas is no time for that Voice! How dare you.

MS3

Oh, hey guys! Yeah, I know. It's been a couple of months since I've written anything. Sorry. It's just that things are kind of busy during third year! And stressful! Plus, up until last week, I was elbow deep in vaginas (okay, sorry. That was gross. And only partially true).

I had meant to write at least one post during each of my rotations, but that failed after R1 (pediatrics). Now, I've completely missed OB/GYN (R2) and I'm onto Family Medicine (R3).

Here are some general thoughts about being a third year medical student:

• My new name is "Medical Student." As in, "Medical Student! Shred this document." Or "Medical Student! There is a chart in the hall and someone needs to see that patient." Or "Medical Student, you are sitting in my chair... Now, you're standing too close behind me." I've realized that I'm pretty much interchangeable with any other person in a short white coat. The other day a resident (who I had worked closely with for a couple of weeks) mistook me for my classmate, who is blonde. The best part was that he just walked over and started listing off tasks I should do while I shook my head in defiance (I was on a completely different service at that point). In his defense, he felt pretty bad about it.
• I feel like an idiot 90% of the time. Simple tasks, like cutting a suture or making a phone call, are suddenly incredibly difficult. You guys! "Cutting a suture" sounds fancy, but it is literally cutting a string with scissors. But you have to hold the scissors a certain way. And you don't want to cut the string too long/short. Sometimes the string is thicker and more difficult to cut. And you have to use the tip of the scissors so as not to risk cutting tissue. AH! STRESS. Don't even get me started on phone calls...
• I live in a constant state of anxiety/discomfort. This is because we are constantly changing services or clinic locations; just last week, I worked at 3 different clinics, each one totally different in the way things were done from the other. Every time we are in a new place, we need to figure out our roles and expectations for us. For example, at one clinic I was simply shadowing (lame) while earlier that morning I had been independently seeing patients, writing notes, and presenting my findings to the attending physician who did very little to double check what I had done. Of course, nobody explicitly says what we're supposed to be doing; we just have to figure it out. This can be on a even more basic level. Once a fellow med student and I awkwardly hovered in the residents' room with our lunches for 10 minutes, waiting for the residents to give us permission to eat/tell us where the lunch room was. We would have asked them, but they were in deep conversation (basically gossiping) and it was not our place to interrupt.

Despite these things (and I'm sure there are more - feel free to add your own experiences in the comments), Third Year is fun! Yup, you heard me. Even though I feel like an idiot and I'm constantly nervous about screwing up, I finally get to talk to patients and do doctory things. For example, a couple of weeks ago I delivered a baby. You guys, I delivered an effing baby! So what I'm saying is even though I'm kind of a stressed out mess, I'm also kind of loving it.

Pet Parent

As many of you know, I've recently become a pet parent; I adopted 2 (adorable) kittens in May. What some of you may not know is that I'm currently on my pediatrics rotation for medical school. The combination of having kitties and home and dealing with kiddos all day in the clinic or hospital has gotten me a little "peds crazy" (it's like an immersion program!). In other words, I find myself constantly comparing my kitties to human children.

Let's start with development. My first weeks of the pediatrics rotation were spent in a private clinic where I observed many Well Child Checks with many questions about development and milestones. At the time, my kittens were about 3 months old. In a 3 month-old child, we're not asking for a lot: socially, they may begin to develop a social smile or enjoy playing with other people and cry when playing stops; for language, they begin to babble or coo; for motor skills, they can raise their head and chest when lying on stomach.

When I first learned these milestones and then returned home to see my kittens racing around the house doing backflips I thought, are you kidding me?! My kittens dominate humans! You guys, my kittens are like hyperdeveloped!

Then, I looked online and it turns out that in "Cat Years" (if that even exists), a 3 month old cat is equal to a 4 year old kid. Developmentally, 4 year olds can do things like balance on one foot, catches a ball, and copies a cross. At 4 years of age, strangers should understand 100% of a child's speech. With this new information, I was crushed. My little babies are delayed! I mean, Lizzie doesn't even know how to meow yet - she really only makes a weird cooing sound (and she's now 4 months, which is like a 6 year old kid).

And then I remembered that I have cats. And not kids.


This isn't the only area of overlap. A couple of weeks ago, I had to take them in for their shots. Quick! What vaccinations do 3 month old kittens need? I (half) jokingly asked the nurse at the vet's office if I could get a yellow card to keep track of all their shots. She looked confused and then responded with "we'll send you a postcard."

I've also been concerned with Lizzie's growth; she's significantly smaller than her brother, Harry. Does anybody know of a good kitten growth chart? I really need to know if she's dropping curves. I mean, what if she has failure to thrive?! (I'm pretty sure she doesn't).

Okay, I obviously realize that there's a difference between cats and children. But I now more fully appreciate what parents are thinking or going through when they bring their child in for a Well Child Check or a Sick Visit or (heaven forbid) to the hospital. I understand the questions and concerns that they're feeling (or at least where those concerns are coming from).

I also understand that I'm officially a crazy cat lady.

Btw, I just googled "kitten growth chart" (which is a little embarrassing. Well, to be honest, this entire post is embarrassing) and found a website with milestones. According to that official source, which is "www.all-about-cute-kittens.com" (I'm not even kidding), by 12 weeks, neurological development reaches adult levels. If that's true, my cats might actually be delayed.

Kitties!

Last week, I did something a little ridiculous: I adopted two kittens. I'm not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to take home and care for two little bundles of terror/total cuteness at the very beginning of my third year of med school, but I went for it.

In response to my exciting news, an old boyfriend told me, "You've just solidified your chances of never meeting someone or having children." Yeah. Probably. But didn't I do that when I started med school at 26? (Answer: yes).

Anyway, meet Queen Elizabeth (the little orangey) and Prince Harry (the super beautiful white and orange one).


You guys, I'm kind in love with them! As a first-time cat parent, it's super fun to observe the little guys explore their new home/figure out the world around them. Here are some things that they seem to be obsessed with (and I mean obsessed... like they truly can't get enough of it):

• The refrigerator. Every time I open the fridge, they run to the edge and stare into it with wonder. "What is this giant thing that is super cold?" they must be thinking. Silly kitties. There's nothing exciting in there for you. Except for my food. Which I don't want to be contaminated by kitten.

• The broom. My cats are really into kicking their kitty-litter around, so I've been doing a lot of sweeping. Which they LOVE, because I'm pretty sure they consider the broom to be a giant toy and the pile of dirt/dust/litter an extension of that toy. So really, it's a vicious cycle; the more they kick out their litter, the more Broom they get to see/bat at. And the dirtier my apartment gets.

• Running water from the sink. I get it. This must be magical. I mean, I barely understand where the water is coming from (pipes? Honestly, I don't know). Whenever I run the sink in the bathroom, they climb up to the edge of the sink and just stare at the water while edging closer and closer to the stream. Pretty soon, they're going to fall in and be filled with regret.

• My bedroom. My bedroom is off-limits to kitties. They've quickly learned this and now have deemed it their life mission to get into my room every time I open the door.

• Stepping in their poop and tracking it around. Okay, they may not actually be obsessed with this but they do it All. The. Time. It happens so much that sometimes I call Prince Harry (he's usually the perpetrator) "Shit Paws." I thought cats were supposed to be clean! It's sick (Don't worry all potential visitors; I clean it up - all. the. time).

• Me! Finally. Someone who likes me for me. Yup, it's official: I'm now a crazy cat lady (goodbye forever, future plans of husband/kids).

USMLE Step 1: It's OVER

Hey guys! Guess what?! I survived Step 1! Okay, I guess I should say I took Step 1. And hopefully I passed? We'll see.

First Aid had warned me, "Expect to experience some 'reentry' phenomena as you try to regain a real life." (Yeah, that's right, I just quoted First Aid. What?!). When I first read that, I remember thinking, "Silly med students. My life hasn't been that different. It won't be that difficult to get back to normal life."

Okay, First Aid. Lesson learned. I'm almost two weeks out and I'm still pretty socially awkward (also, I know... I'm pretty socially awkward in general. I mean increased awkwardness above baseline). I guess that's what hanging out alone in my apartment studying all day every day for a few weeks will do to me.

After my exam, I turned on my TV (and changed the channel from the solid HGTV channel, which provided the perfect length shows for mealtime breaks throughout my study period) and realized that while I was sitting alone at my desk, big things were happening in the world around me.

Here are the top 5 things (that I know of) that happened while I was studying for Step 1 - and that I only had a vague idea were taking place even though I guess some of them were a "big deal."

1. The Royal Wedding. I guess this was kind of a big deal and the media was obsessed with it. My Royal Wedding experience consisted of me checking my favorite time-wasting blog, Go Fug Yourself, and noticing some pictures of the happy couple. "Oh, I guess that wedding was today," I thought to myself. And then I got back to studying.

2. President Obama was super productive. First, he produced his birth certificate (to which my response was, "Oh thank God." Oh wait, I didn't really care). THEN, he single handedly hunted down and killed Osama bin Laden. At least, I'm pretty sure this is what happened, based on the drunken cheers of some of my classy Seal Beach neighbors (btw, the big news broke on like a Sunday or Monday night, so obviously my neighbors were drunk).

3. My friends all decided to get pregnant. Okay, possible exaggeration. But still; the week before my exam), two of my close friends told me that they are preggers. WTF?! This is only the beginning of the "all of my friends are married and/or mothers" epidemic. Shit. (But seriously, I'm super excited for them... and also happy that at least they personally broke the news to me and I didn't find out months later on fb).

4. The Lakers decided to quit playing basketball. Seriously though. I was SUPER excited to watch the Lakers in the playoffs this year (you know, in the glorious days after my exam). And then, within days of taking my exam, they were swept in Round 2. Super lame. Lakeshow, I am very disappointed in you. I hope you think long and hard about what you have done and come back next year ready to actually play basketball.

5. I can't actually think of more things that happened. One of my classmates suggested "Libya" and "Fast 5," but honestly, I don't even know what those things are.

Did I miss anything? (ha)

USMLE: Qbank FAIL

I'm just going to say it: when my Kaplan Qbank freezes in the middle of a set of questions, I get a little frustrated.

Okay, maybe more than a little frustrated. I mean, maybe I lose my cool a little when the page still won't load after refreshing/exiting and reentering in and out of Qbank for like 10 minutes.

Or maybe, just maybe, I COMPLETELY LOSE MY SHIT because this is UNACCEPTABLE AND A TOTAL WASTE OF MY TIME.

Maybe I'm a little stressed?

From FPG to OPG

One sad thing about my move to Seal Beach is that I have to quit Fancy Pants Gym (FPG). I actually really love it there, but really, it's just too far away now (oh, and I finally got the memo that I'm not fancy enough).

As an alternative, I've joined a new gym which is like the most basic gym ever (so, umm... the opposite of FPG), but it's cheap and gets the job done (plus, I've joined a separate yoga studio to cover my yoga needs). The new gym is right by Leisure World, a giant retirement community, and so it is chock-full of old people! Which is weird. And cute. And weird.

I know. This is hilarious because I'm old. And now I go to Old Person Gym (OPG). Just keep the jokes coming. I can handle it (or maybe I'll just turn off my hearing aid?).

Anyway, something adorable happened at OPG this morning. I was working out on the elliptical, watching Good Morning America when they started a piece on the Official 2012 Calendar of Heroes: FDNY Firefighters. Out of nowhere, there were old ladies on the ellipticals next to me frantically trying to get their headphones plugged in. Every screen in OPG had been turned to the hot firefighters! As soon as the segment was over, they turned back to their books. One lady even got off the elliptical. So cute.

USMLE: Qbank

OMG, we've been done with Kaplan for 3 days! I miss you all SO MUCH.

Okay... maybe not that much. BUT, I am starting to get a little lonely in my studying solitude. Luckily, I'm able to FaceTime and video/gchat with people and that keeps me connected. Still, my human interaction is pretty limited. I'm pretty sure I've officially become the "weird stressed out med student" neighbor. And I've also been wearing the same outfit (more or less) for the past 3 days (so, if anything, the Kaplan course kept me groomed. Good thing that's over).

Other than my gross hygiene habits, I don't have much to report. Oh! I know! I studied at my counter today, instead of at my desk! Just to keep things sassy. (Oh. My. God. My life is pathetic).

One thing that's kinda funny: I've noticed that I get a little too into the Qbank vignettes as I'm reading them. Like, I verbally react to stories as they progress. For example, most vignettes start out with the presenting symptom or a description of the patient. If the patient is an alcoholic (and there are a lot of alcoholics on the USMLE), I say, outloud, "Here we go." As the stories progress, so do my reactions. The patient has ptosis? "Uh oh." He was bit by a tick? "Oh god." If the patient dies, then I lose it (Okay, no I don't. But I'll usually gasp with "oh no!").

You guys, I'm like really invested in these vignettes! Don't worry, it's not really wasting time or distracting me too much... it's more like this kind of ridiculous/hilarious thing I find myself doing as I'm going through the questions. Am I the only one? I think I might have to tone it down for exam day.

I also have become obsessed with highlighted stuff on the computer. Not so much while I'm doing the actual practice questions, but as I'm reading the explanations. Now, I find myself highlighting interesting/important facts on other websites with my mouse... and then I'm disappointed when the text doesn't turn yellow. That's weird, right?

USMLE: In Class

As our Kaplan course draws to a close (to which I simultaneously think "YES! I can't take it anymore" and "NO! That means my exam is just around the corner and I'm screwed), I'd like to reflect on some of my favorite things that happen in class.

By far the best/most entertaining thing that happens in class is when someone's book falls off of the mini fold-out desks we write on. This usually happens about once an hour. Honestly, it's been happening all year, and it is still funny. At this point, I'm so tired in class that I actually laugh out loud when it happens. It's particularly funny when a friend does it. I can barely contain myself when A does it.

Also funny is when someone drops anything - a waterbottle, pens/highlighters, a whole notebook/stack of books (this is the motherload). Last year, I used to love it when people (mostly A) would knock over their water bottles and it would clang and disrupt class (and I'm sure many of us remember when C spilled an entire water bottle that caused a total commotion as water spread across the entire floor of Tamkin).

Less funny is when R spills his coffee all over me and claims, "What did you do?!"

After 2 years of sitting in lecture with the same people, you begin to notice different mannerisms. One classmate has a very heavy step as he/she walks down the awkwardly spaced steps of Nelson. Another person wears a charm that tinkles (heehee, I just wrote "tinkles"...I'm 10 years old) as she walks in. It took me a little while to distinguish this sound from the jingle of R's dog collar (because, yes, sometimes people bring dogs to class). Some people arrive almost exactly 8 minutes late every day and then sit in the front row. Other people chatter annoyingly throughout class (okay, that's me and A... sorry guys! But it's all relevant!! (no, it's not.)).

Hmm... what else? Oh, I love it when cell phones ring. Mostly because it's always kind of a mystery as to how those people even got reception in the first place (it turns out Nelson is like the one place where AT&T actually works). The BEST was when R's phone started playing the Sexy Sax Man Video at the loudest possible volume imaginable (I didn't even know that iPhones could even play at such a loud volume... it was amazing... and he was sitting right next to me when it happened).

Am I missing anything? Feel free to add your favorites in the comments.

USMLE: Working on Our Fitness

Every day we get out of our Kaplan class at like 4 or 5 and go straight to the gym. I love this because it is so stereotypically overachieving med student-y. It's like, "We just sat in class for 8-9 hours and we have a bunch of studying to do afterwards, but we care about our health (and we don't want to get fat)."

Pretty much the entire Kaplan class goes to they gym. Not some of us. Like all of us (okay fine, like 1/2 of us... that's still a lot!). I don't even usually go the UCI gym (called the Anteater Recreation Center or ARC, which I love) and I've been going. It's just such a scene!

It's kind of great because everyone is in a pretty good mood. Like we're suddenly super happy to see each other. As if we hadn't spent the entire day sitting in lecture, standing in the sun during breaks, or eating lunch together. It's like none of us really saw the Post-Kaplan Gym Rush (PKGR) coming and it's such a pleasant surprise that we're all working out together. And it happens every day (well, I can only vouch for days that I go to Fancy Pants Gym for yoga... but I'm pretty sure it happens every day).

We pretty much storm the ARC. Suddenly, all of the machines are being used by med students. Some people study while working out (D), while others (A and myself) harass our classmates from our elliptical machines. Other people make rounds and show off their big muscles (R and J). It's total social hour!

I've been getting super strong, mostly because I do pushups with A. Together. At the same time. We've been recruiting other med students to join us... today our group was up to 5. We're so cool. See people, med students are so cool! We do awesome things like spend all day in class together and then go do synchronized pushups at the gym.

The other fun thing about the PKGR is that we run into our classmates that we haven't seen since school ended. Even though it has only been a few weeks, it feels like it has been months; we greet each other as if we're old friends reuniting after a long separation. Then the non-Kaplan people say something like "Whoa! It's weird to see so many med students here all at once. I don't really like it." And the Kaplan people are like, "Really? We spend all of our time together including changing in the locker room complaining about how we still can't poop."

It's awesome.

USMLE Step 1

Sorry if I've been a little MIA... I've started to crack down on studying for my USMLE Step 1 board exam. For those of you who don't hang out with med students all the time (luckies), this exam is kind of a big deal and pretty much determines the rest of our lives (not to be overdramatic).

Since studying for this exam is pretty much a thrill and I have a bunch of spare time, I'm going to (try to) start up a little USMLE series to document how awesome things are for me and my fellow MS2s. It'll be like my "In Class" posts only better because it's about studying for a big exam!! Total excitement!

Anyway, let's get to today's topic: pooping. Studying for this exam has messed up my pooping schedule and after asking around, I'm not alone.

Let me explain. I'm taking, along with maybe half of my med school class, a Kaplan "Intense Prep" course to prepare for the exam. This course is about 8 hours of lecture a day, every day (with a few half days and days off scattered here and there).

You may ask, how does this interfere with pooping? No time! No time to poop!!

Let me break it down a little more: Let's say 50 people are taking the course (sounds about right) and half of those are girls. Every hour, we get a 10 minute break and most people have to go to the bathroom. There are only 3 stalls in the girls' bathroom and so there is usually a line at every break... with only 10 minutes for everyone to go. Umm... nobody wants to poop with people waiting for you! Some people go to other buildings and restrooms, but break time is limited and there are a bunch of activities to do during that time (like stand in the sun and "talk" to people/stare like zombies). Also, you can't force these things just because it's "break time."

Plus, we're all stressed, which I'm pretty sure doesn't help (I love that I'm like a 1/2MD and I'm only "pretty sure" stress and pooping/not pooping may be correlated).

My favorite part of all this is that since starting the course and our intense studying, a bunch of us have gone out of our ways to make our lives as routine as possible. And yet, while we strive for regularity in our daily lives, our bodies will have none of it.

Important Message

I know. It's been a while. And I have SO MUCH to share with you guys (like how I moved to Seal Beach and I have a hot neighbor who only wears a shirt like 10% of the time). Seriously. More on this later (Maybe. That might actually be the whole story).

The thing is, I'm finishing up my second year of med school and I'm super swamped with studying. Like I've literally spent 12 hours studying today (this is taking out break time) and I'm probably going to squeeze in another 2 or 3 before heading off to sleep. LAME!! You guys, I've been studying so much that my muscles are actually cramping from inactivity (omg, DVT, anybody?!).

But that's not the reason why I'm writing this. I need to share something with you all: Ke$ha's new "Blow" video.



I saw a link to this video a few weeks ago on my favorite time-wasting blog, Go Fug Yourself and I thought it was pretty funny/great. I mean, it has unicorns. And James Van Der Beek. Little did I know that that was only the beginning of the awesomeness of this video.

You guys. This video has revolutionized this Ke$ha song for me. Honestly, I thought it was kind of annoying at first (okay, maybe it still is). But NOW! Now I imagine this video every time I hear the song (I've been doing a lot of commuting lately and I can only handle so much Goljan). And it is AMAZING.

Um. That's all. Gotta go look at some First Aid now.

text flirting

You guys, I'm bored. It could be that I've been sitting alone studying pharmacology all day (likely).

Or, something else could be putting me to sleep: texting. I never thought I would say this, but texting is kind of boring. And do you know the most boring version of texting of them all? Text flirting.

Calm down. I am aware that there are people out there who love text flirting. And I'm sure they will let me know how great it really is (I know a certain D, who claims that text flirting is her whole game and with the right emoticons, she can even text make out. Which sounds... weird). I agree, sometimes it can be fun... sometimes. Mostly it's totally boring and a waste of time.

First of all, let me define what I mean by text flirting. To be clear I do not mean sending gross "sexts" (sorry D, though I'm not sure if your emoticons would even count as sexts). I think of text flirting as the early form of communication between two people who may or may not be interested in each other. It's a great(?) way to gage interest: presumably, if he/she responds then he/she is interested... at least enough to respond.* Plus, talking on the phone is so personal... and can be "awkward" (in my old age, I disagree with this, but whatever).

A friend of mine (and Master Texter) once said about extended text flirting, "I don't do that. That's like hanging out at Make-out Point and not making out." Oh, Master Texter, this is so, so true! (Also, MT was clearly referencing Chick-fil-A, which is kinda great).

My major problem with text flirting is that it's usually about nothing, because 1) you don't actually know each other that well and 2) you can only make joking references to your mutual friend and/or that one time you hung out for so long and 3) you are forced to make witty yet pointless comments when restricted to the 160 characters of a text message.

It also usually goes on forever... because you're texting about NOTHING and there is no logical end until someone gets bored and decides not to respond. The other alternate (and preferable) ending is that you make plans and actually hang out. But chances are, if you're in extended texting mode, the other person is either not that into you or kind of a chicken and so the "making plans" part may never happen.

Sure, text flirting can be fun and there is definitely strategy involved (one day, I'm hoping that Master Texter will share his expertise/ridiculousness on LAMe!). But this is really only at the very beginning. When it turns into a text-conversation... about nothing, I say "make out or get out!" Okay. No I don't. But I should!

On that note, I have to get back to Pharm (so lame and definitely more boring than text flirting).

Wait!! One more thing! I know I just bagged on texting a little... but if I already know you and we're getting into a texting conversation, this is NOT text flirting: My "make out or get out" policy (probably) does not apply and I'm most likely bored and would like to be entertained. So humor me :)

*And this may not even be true: Just last night I classic text flirted with a guy (I'm not interested in) for like 30 minutes (straight up text-conversation style) because he kept responding to my boring one-liner texts with questions and I didn't want to be a bitch by not responding. I finally ended it with "I have to study. Have a good Friday night!"

HVD!

From now on, I think I'm going to say "HVD!" instead of Happy Valentine's Day. Mostly because this sounds like some kind of virus (HPV? HSV?) and that feels a little more appropriate.

Okay, before you get all, "Whoa, calm down, single girl!" on me, I'm just going to let you know that I'm not a bitter Valentine's Day loner or anything. I just kind of think VD is lame (both Valentine's Day and Venereal Disease, for the record).

There's a lot of pressure involved.

If you're in a relationship there's pressure to be super romantic. Or even if you're not going big, you probably have to at least make dinner reservations or cook a fancypants dinner and that can be a pain. You also have to get/make a gift, which can also be super stressful (Unless you're my mom, who got my stepdad a card... and then turned to her friend and gave her a card AND a stuffed animal. That had to burn for my stepdad).

If you're starting out a new relationship (or something along those lines) VD is mostly awkward. (OMG, what does it all mean?! Does he actually like me or is he just being nice? He got me jewelry... I got him a card. Does this mean I should sleep with him? STRESS!)

If you're a single girl, there's the obligatory "we're single girls and don't need valentines" dinner. Which can be fun. But also feels a little contrived at times.

In defense of VD, here are some things that I love about it:

• At Obligatory Single Girls Dinner, someone usually shares some good dirt (fine, usually it's me. Whatever).
• It's a great excuse to wear pink. And red. AT THE SAME TIME.
• All of those cheesy gifts/stuffed animals are pretty cute.
• Back in the good old days, I used to make my own Valentines and VD cookies, which was pretty fun (Ah, I used to be so artsy and domestic).
• I'm totally fascinated by quasi-scientific articles like "The Science Behind Kissing"

On that note, HVD! Whether you hate it or love it, at least you don't have to worry about it for another year :)

Excuses

I guess you could say I'm kind of an over-analyzer.

This is usually a good thing. For example before making a big purchase, I think to myself, "Do I really need this ____?" If the item of debate is an expensive pair of shoes, I might pass. However, if it's a pink and white striped OnePiece Jumpsuit special ordered from England, the answer is YES.

While it may be good for my wallet, I've recently realized that my tendency to over think everything may be getting in the way of my love life. Here's what happens: As soon as I think I might like somebody, I think about any consequences to pursuing it, and then find/make an excuse for why it shouldn't happen/wouldn't work. And then I wonder why I'm home alone reading Jane Eyre while I can hear my roommate having sex in the room across the hall.

You guys, I'm an excuse-maker!! Big time!! For kicks, here are my top 5 excuses for not making out with someone (and why they're dumb):

5. "We're in the same class... things could get weird." Okay, sure. In med school, we see a lot of each other and that could be awkward. But with time, these things pass (and really aren't that big of a deal).

4. "2 years ago, my friends got in a big fight over him/both hooked up with him." Actually, I think this is still a legit excuse.

3. "When he told my roommate he was interested, she responded with, 'She has too much dignity to hook up with you.' And then she told me." Right.

2. "I don't want to ruin the carpool." While this might sound ridiculous, I just need to say (in my defense) that this was a really good carpool. As in 110 North Carpool Lane through Downtown LA during morning rush hour good.

1. "I don't want to ruin the friendship." This is my most common excuse. And it's total bullshit. Chances are, I'm not that good of friends with the guy. And if we really are that close, our friendship will survive anyway.

So there you have it... here are my top excuses. What are yours?

Carpe Diem?

The other day, my friend announced to me that he is in love with a married woman. “What should I do?” He asked. “I love her. She’s perfect. And she’s completely unhappy in her marriage.”

My initial response was to stay away. I know this might be shocking, but I take the whole “marriage” concept pretty seriously and wrecking homes isn’t my thing.

“But life is too short and unpredictable,” my friend replied. “If I don’t make a move, I might regret it for the rest of my life.” (My friend also has a tendency towards the dramatic).

My friend claims that his dream girl in unhappy in her marriage. We’ve all been in those “friendships” where you spend a lot of time with someone who has a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/whatever. They never talk about their SO and/or if they do, it sounds negative or cold. After enough time, it’s easy to convince yourself (especially if you want to believe it) that they’re not happy. But does that mean you should do something about it?

I guess what I’m wondering is: Is it ever okay to pursue someone in a relationship? My gut says no (however, as I’ve thought about this, I’ve come to realize that I’m a bit of an excuse maker when it comes to romance… more on this later). Or is my friend right? Should we forget about social conventions and seize the day in the name of love?

Let me know what you think in the comments!